There are so many things I could say about women. More importantly, there is so much I could say about my mother. She was my example and blueprint for womanhood.
Mothers are often seen as these selfless human beings who raise children that eventually become presidents, doctors, creatives, scientists, architects, athletes, musicians, and more. Mothers have this beautiful job to help cultivate the lives of their children. Now, as a grown woman, I look back on my own childhood with fondness and horror as I reflect on how I sometimes treated my mom.
As a child, I was a daddy’s girl. I was closer to my dad than my mom because I thought my mom wasn’t cool. We were already complete opposites, personality-wise. She did not dress cool like the other moms. She was not “hip” like I wanted her to be, and I did not understand her. I could have sworn that God gave me the wrong mother.
I was a good kid, but once I turned ten my mom and I had a rough road ahead. I never wanted her to be around my friends. I even tried to ignore her in public once (notice I said ‘tried’—because it did not work). I remember the teen years when we weren’t getting along. I would say hurtful things and give her a hard time, but she was not moved or phased by my teenage angst. She was a force to be reckoned with, and Lord knows you do not mess with a black momma.
Thankfully college and distance helped our relationship grow and develop. After I graduated from college, I needed a roommate to live with in Houston. I desperately wanted to live into the city, but I had no friends I could room with. So my mom packed up her stuff and moved to the city with me. We had a rough start as “grown up” roommates, but we slowly figured it out. My mom became my friend, and in adulthood, she became my best friend.
As an adult, I began to see all the wonderful things she taught me, like how to serve others, forgive quickly, save money, extend grace, be a lady, and chase after my dreams. If I tell my mom about my biggest dream, she says, “Yes, I can see that. Let’s get started—let’s make it happen!” She is the most incredible human being I have ever met. I just published my debut memoir , and she was right there with me in the bookstore as I saw my book for the first time on display. She smiled big and took pictures with me. It was a special moment for us both.
I have come a long way from thinking my mom wasn’t cool enough. Now I think she is so beautiful and gracious, and daily I am trying to figure out how to embody the love of God as she does. Her unconditional love shaped my womanhood. She forgave me when I said mean things, she lovingly corrected me when I was wrong, and she held me close when I was hurting. To walk in such grace and gentleness as a woman is something I admire and aspire to do in my own life.
So, to all the mothers out there, you are doing a great job. If, at certain moments, your kids don’t seem to like you, don’t worry. It will get better. Eventually we learn that you were right about a lot of stuff. We learn how much we need you and value you. We learn.
What’s a lesson you’ve learned from your mother or mother figure about life?
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Sharon Lawson says
Teachers run in my family. I studied business and my parents told me I will return to the family tradition. I worked in business for awhile. True to my parents word I went into teaching. This year is my 32nd year of teaching. My parents and ancestors are smiling.
Cheryl Polote Williamson says
I felt your words in my soul.
Theresa W. says
Beautiful and Blessed!
L’Oreal Drayton says
Thank you for this on today!! It soothed my soul. Today is the 5 year anniversary of my mom’s transition. I share many of your same sentiments. I appreciate you sis and wish all the blessings for you and your mom!
Paula says
The tears are flowing right now…I also said mean things to my mother. And as a mother I’ve had mean words spoken to me.
But I was forgiven, and I learned how to forgive. There is nothing like a loving mother-daugher relationship. Lord know, i treasure my relationship with my daughter.
Wendy P says
I read stories like this and I am moved – often to tears because at 54 I still long for this type of relationship with my mother for myself. I was a Daddy’s girl and he died suddenly 2 years ago and I have not been the same since.
I had the same struggles with my mom growing up – supposedly normal teenage stuff that carried on and on with us.
Truth is as I look back, I was never mothered. As she is nearing 83, I have welcomed her into my home and now I find myself caring for her in a way I wish had been cared for.
I do it because of the person I want to be and I guess I learned that from somewhere. It is in the genes from both sides I presume.
I believe she is mentally ill and that she did the best she could. I have accepted the things that happened and did not and each day I do my best.
I am happy for you and others like you that had mothers who were able to mother even if it was not what you thought you needed at the time.
These relationships can be complicated and showing grace for ourselves and each other is so very important.
Francine Pierson says
Faitth, as your mother, I appreciate your heartfelt words. You caused me to grow, increase my prayer life, and have an adult daughter friend. Thank you! My life is better because of you. May you continue to enrich the lives of women all over the world.
Kathy Matthews says
I had many experiences as a teen and a young twenty something woman where I didn’t appreciate my beautiful mother. She taught me/us to have self love, self respect, to be proud of myself, and to never give up. She was intelligent and well spoken and did not tolerate anything less than articulate and well spoken children. She was driven, a salon owner when many women were not business owners. We lived in South Dallas in an urban area, but she was a homeowner and taught us to be smart and to make good decisions. I miss her everyday, but her blueprint still governs my life even as I forge ahead in my 60’s. I think that I have successfully passed this on to my own son! I thank God for her and the hard lessons she instilled in us. Your piece touched my heart and your mother is amazing!
Janet Williams Green says
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s like I’m reading about me. My mom and I had a rocky relationship also, and I truly was a daddy’s girl. It was not until I had my first child that our relationship changed. She loved him endlessly and that brought us closer. She was to leave us a year later from cancer, but I’ll never forget the love we shared in those latter months. I’m truly grateful that God did that for us. 🙏🏽🥰
Cynthia Washington says
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m proud of you, although I don’t know you. I’m a Mother with five daughters, and I can relate to some of the things about your Mother. Continue to fulfill your dreams.