About the Author

Raya Reaves is the Founder and Finance Coach of City Girl Savings, LLC. She teaches women how to create and stick to realistic budget plans to reach their financial goals. Raya resides in Austin, Texas, with her boyfriend and two Yorkie dogs.

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Reader Interactions


  1. I loved this story..I had my own epiphany years ago.. I had to learn the hard way..if u don’t love and take care of you. Noone else will. Even your children. Keep writing.

  2. Bravo
    To every Woman who has truly learned how to Love and Celebrate yourself. It starts with Loving the God who create you.🙏

  3. I needed to hear that I’ve been feeling so alone. Your words of encouragement makes me realize I need to focus on myself! Thank you

  4. Thank you. What you shared is so true. I am working on taking better care of myself because I want to be healthy physically, mentally and, spiritually. I am an older adult that knows it is never too late to love myself because God loves me.

  5. Thank you for sharing. This was so confirming of the thoughts I’ve been thinking for sometime now. I don’t really put a lot of time in regularly scheduled self pampering and going out to eat by myself. I’m going to change my attitude and start these things to better myself.

  6. Wow that was so Beautifully said I am taking notes from this conversation I said to my self 2022 will certainly be my year God spoke it into my spirit ❤

  7. I’ve this article. So much because the main idea is
    As we love ourselves as
    Women and as we read
    And develop ourselves
    The universe always connects
    Us to partner.
    As we do self.improvements
    In our lives we feel less
    Needy and more self empowered we have an inner
    Glow that.manifest on our.inner love and contentment with our selves.

  8. What so many of us forget to do, is work on ourselves and make ourselves happy. The article
    demonstrated things that were done were important. They helped her to decide the important part of any life journey that begins with you. It made me stop and think of the small steps I need to begin to grow myself. I think I was too ready to accept any behavior from any guy just to have a guy. The article was clear and helped me to want to be better with myself. Who knows what getting me together will perhaps allow me to get together with someone else.

  9. Very interesting story! I love the fact that you learn to love yourself first before you learn to love someone else.

  10. It is so important to appreciate and develop yourself. When you see yourself growing through challenges, as a result of unwise choices or the negative behavior of others, it is a great feeling! Everyone gets a chance to make choices about their future. Growth doesn’t come from “mountaintop experiences”, but from discomfort, pain, disappointment and challenge. We must be patient with ourselves and others, and celebrating the journey while keeping our eyes on the goals. Down with camping in the valley of despair, up with living life with gratitude and excitement!


  12. This story is so inspiring. It let’s all of us know that no matter where we are in life, that we don’t have to stay in that dry place. We may view a mirage a first, or many mirages, but if we keep going forth, we will get to the real waterhole, where there is life.

  13. I often get lost in the sauce dreaming about my “perfect guy” and honestly even after going through the course of self-love and mastering what that looks like for me – I still think about it! More so in a self-deserving” way now. I’m still learning how to stay in the present …..& finding new ways to love on me! But this piece honestly just motivated me even more …..to stay in alignment! That how you will meet you King – through alignment. “Our relationship adds value to joy I already had with myself” I love that! This was an honest open piece and I really appreciate it!!

  14. This story kinda hit home for me. I so mirrored some of the dating scenarios, the good and the bad. Thank you for sharing and I know there are others who need to hear this.

  15. I needed to hear these words this morning as I lay here at 5:00 am wondering why it seems I am always working and giving and feel unappreciated. I can remember a time I enjoyed my life and did all the things that you mentioned to love myself. Somewhere I got lost. Time to regain that focus on loving me again. Thank you.

  16. I love this and I too feel this exact same way. I am 52 and it took just a little ago to get to this point. I don’t care that it took me a while I’m just glad I got there. Thank you for sharing your story

  17. I love the work you put in and realising that you are somebody. As long as you believe you are somebody everyone else will see the same thing. Congrats on just growing and learning how to love yourself. Blessings upon blessings too you. Vickie

  18. I loved your article. It was reaffirming, eligntening,
    transparent, and relevant narrative in the self love journey for me and probably so many of us. I recalled reflecting one day, that I came in this world alone and I will transition out of this world alone. So revisiting, being in love with self inside and out was imperative! It was necessary that, I begin the journey of loving myself in a inner peace way that required more intentional cultivating daily self love best practices. I had to do this work in order to be in alignment. I am on the journey of self love and it feels so good! I discovered that self love means finding peace within ourselves and resting comfortably within the depths of our being. I am confident that when my king comes along I will be in alignment that he will be like a magnet attracted to my inner being. Lastly, this self love journey taught me… I love me some me!!!! Thanks for sharing your heart.

  19. Thank you for sharing this powerful enlightening part of your life. I started to close it before I finished it because I had things to do… but I needed to know what came next. It was definitely not a waste of my time. Again thank you.

  20. Wow being a married woman 12 years in. this has enlightened me more. I have 3 daughters and they all need to read and absorb this. Thank you

  21. So inspired by how important it is to love ourselves first. Never settle for less. Always demand honesty and respect and set boundaries. Loved hearing your story. May your love go from strength to strength. ♥

  22. Very powerful I love that you saw what you really wanted and needed.
    I mean I have spent many years to myself without a relationship with a man. Don’t get me wrong sometimes it’s hard but its worth it, I’ve made some really bad choices in my life. From picking the wrong father’s for my children and I hurt for my children having made wrong decisions for them. But by GOD’S grace and mercy we got through it they are grown and fathers still don’t have anything to do with them. Over the years I’ve been without a man in my life, I’m good on that. My friends wonder how can I do without, it’s a lot easier than being disregarded and disrespected. I’ve watched over the years the same mistakes they make over and over again if I offer any advice it’s like you are jealous because you don’t have anyone. I’m still praying for the right man. But in the meantime I’ll wait. PS. 61YRS OLD and I am okay with that.
    Staying strong.

  23. I love your story. My relationship with God is what has been the greatest joy in my life. Blessed with a marriage of 38 years, and two beautiful sons changed my life forever. My husband passed away three years ago, and I have so many fantastic memories of our life together. Best wishes!

  24. I love it! You were so on point when you finally got yourself together. I wish all my sisters would see the vision early on from an adolescent I yo young womanhood. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story.

  25. 👌 wow I did that and married a Strong handsome man. Found out that he was conceted and controlling. Stayed married to him for 32yrs?had 4 children after they were grown and gone. I divorced him at the age of fifty.

  26. I so agree with everything you said! I too am on a personal journey of being a whole woman before l open my heart to another man. Being Bipolar adds it’s own challenge in my relationships l’m transparent at some point l give men the opportunity to run…lol.. People are afraid of what they don’t understand. I’m committed to this self journey of loving myself.

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