About the Author

Danielle Shelton is an author, writing coach, and podcast host. Her “Tips and Tricks Podcast” stands tall among top educational podcasts, delivering heart-centered discussions in bite-sized episodes. With six Amazon books, Danielle not only inspires dreams but empowers action.

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Reader Interactions


  1. Thank so much for this story. I loss my best friend . My mom! I I I immediately knew that I needed help with this grieving process. Your story has identified with me beyond words. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your story.

    • Melanie, Thank you so much to reading my story. I’m so glad this helped heal a part of you. It helped heal me too! Thank you for leaving a comment. My heart is full. Hugs.

  2. Thank you, Sis, for sharing, encouraging and taking steps to heal. We see you. And appreciate your insight so we, too, may heal and grieve. Simultaneously.

    • Hello Kimberly,
      Thank you for taking time out of your day to acknowledge this post. Your time and kind words are appreciated. Hugs.

  3. Thank you for your story…I’m grieving now trying to give myself grace. I lost my 22 year old son Tyjuan in December 2021. Yesterday was the day he went in the hospital and never came back to us. I wasn’t prepared even though the doctors said he wouldn’t come home. My grief is stronger now than then because I haven’t allowed myself to really feel the pain trying to protect my other son who was 18 at the time. I’m going through alot of different emotions right now and I appreciate your thoughts on this process and your kinds words of advice.

    • Hello Jackie, I’m sorry to read about your son, Tyjuan. I pray that over time you find the peace you need. Grief is a process. Give yourself time to cry. Time to laugh at old jokes and funny moments. And time to just hold one of Tyjuan’s shirts and hug it for a while. It’s okay. The truth about your other son, is even if you don’t show the pain, he knows it’s there and he is trying to protect you too. If you give yourself permission, he will give himself permission. You should talk to him, laugh with him, cry with him. Share your pain so he knows he doesn’t have to protect you. Give yourself time and give yourself grace. Hugs to you and your family

  4. This spoke to me immensely Danielle. I am in a season of grieving my mother, who is currently in hospice care. I find it difficult, at times, to give myself space to grieve and feel the feelings when they arise because of the myriad of responsibilities I have to handle. I’m slowly learning how to lean into them when they come.

    • Hi Krystal,
      I am hugging you from here. Hospice is hard because it isn’t instant. It’s slow. So you grieve every, single day. Or at least I did. It can be hard to find the right words to say to the right things to do but guess what? You don’t have to get it “right”. All you have to do is keep showing up. When those feelings come, give them space. Truthfully, you may have to create space for them. It’s okay not to have it figured out. None of us do. Hugs to you.

  5. Thank you for sharing. I can relate. I thought I was a “functional griever” able to compartmentalize. But eventually it caught up to me and imploded. I have to address it moment by moment. Thankfully, I have people who care for me and creative expression. It’s a process.

    • Leslie,
      I thought I was functional too. At some point I convinced myself that I wasn’t grieving at all. But then, it all came crashing down and I realized my new found anxiety had a name… several names… And so, I learned over time to make space for my feelings. I didn’t like it but I needed it. Thank you for acknowledging my process and your own. Hugs.

  6. Wow! I can really relate. I recently retired and moved to Texas to be with my daughter. I had so many losses and tried to push through. Next week it will be 2 years since two of my closest friend died two days apart. I’m allowing myself grace to grieve. ❤️🙌🏾❤️🙏🏾❤️🎶❤️👌🏽

    • Hello Robbin, I’m sorry to read about your friends. Grief can be hard and it is unforgiving because at some point, you have to deal with it! Remember, that you matter and that your feelings matter. Make time for them. Hugs to you.

    • Yolanda,
      Yes, please give yourself grace. Your deserve it. And don’t run from moments. Allow them to happen. Give your feelings space. You are wonderfully made and thus must not forget that you are so important and loved. It’s okay. Hugs.

  7. Thank for sharing Danielle.
    My beautiful daughter, succumbed to living with depression for over 30 years on Oct 28th. Today I am struggling. Your words, were consoling, and right on time. There is a scream within me that comes out – mostly in anger. The words grace to grieve showing up in my notifications was a God send. Thank you again for sharing.

    • Luana, I am so glad that my words found you and that you found comfort in them. You cannot fix what has already taken place but you can give yourself grace. Feel those feelings when you need to. Remember, there is no finish line. There is only relief from one moment to the next. Hugs to you.

  8. Thank you for this! I lost my brother, my only sibling in June. He was my ride or die. It has taken my breath away but I too have been strong to shield my mom from this unbearable hurt & loss. Thank for your words. They gave me a glimpse of putting into words what I’ve been feeling. May we both find the peace and strength to endure!

    • Hello Sherice, I’m so glad this post could give you words. It can be hard to find words for how we feel. I know all too well what it’s like to lose a sibling. The pain can sit. And that’s okay. Just remember not to let it stay there. Hugs.

  9. Good morning
    I am going through an issue, not knowing how to feel about the death of my daughter in law. Age 44. Her and my son went no contact about 5 years ago from the entire family. Before that we spent holidays together and took family vacations. I still loved her and we were not included in the funeral or burial. How do I grieve this and have closure?

    • Hello Sharon, My goodness that must be hard. My heart cries for you. Truthfully, closure does not exists in people, it exists in you. Because death is final, there is other person give us the words we need. Try to release the hurt. Because you won’t be able to grieve if there is anger underneath the hurt. It has to come to the surface. Once you deal with that, you can attempt to deal with the feelings of loss. Give yourself time. And know that you don’t need anyone to validate your feelings; they are valid. Hugs.

  10. Thank you for sharing your grief. It hit home. The month of December although a very joyous time is also a very sad time for me. I lost my Grandmother and Father with in a 4 year 11 month time frame. And even though I tell myself that I’m okay – in truth, I’m not. Today is one of those “I’m not okay” days. Their Anniversaries are coming, and I feel so heavy. But, I will give myself grace to grieve, feel my feelings and cry my tears.

    Be blessed as you continue to give yourself grace to grieve, feel your feelings and cry your tears.

    • Hello Renae,
      Give yourself time. As much time as you need. It’s okay to have “heavy” moments. But it’s also okay to have joyous moments. To laugh and cry at the same damn time. Remembering them with love and laughter. Hugs.

  11. Most def! Grief comes at different times, in different waves, with different emotions. There is no right way, wrong, right time…. I believe if you hold it in, at some point you will break. We all try to be strong, but some times being strong is letting go and being weak. I’ve learned sometimes it’s minute by minute. Sometimes it’s day by day. You have to do what works for you, but don’t do nothing.

  12. Thank you for sharing your story. It is helping me to deal with the loss of both my parents in a two and half month timeframe. I am giving myself grace to grieve.

    • Hello Marvel,
      I’m so sorry for your loss. Yes, give yourself time. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to laugh at the good times. It’s okay to have joy. It’s okay to miss them. It’s also okay to keep on living a life happiness for them. Hugs to you.

  13. Well done, well written. Like you, I am what people call stoic. That is inappropriate terminology for what I, and perhaps you, are feeling. I never realized my grieving process until a few years ago when my daughter told me, “mom, I’ve never seen you cry at a death or a funeral”. She was right, but I was not conscious of my lack of display of emotion. Though, unlike you, my lack of affect has nothing to do with my generosity of support for the feelings of others. I simply don’t feel it in the same way. However, I am fully connected to the finality of death and the looming feeling of absence of my deceased loved ones. Thank you for sharing your story and your feelings. Perhaps your story will resonate with others as it did for me.

    • Hello Jo Ann,
      I’m so glad that my story resonated with you. It seems we have a great deal in common. My goal was to hopefully meet people where they were and give them comfort. I wanted to provide a space that saying “how you grieve is okay, as long as you grieve.” Hugs to you.

  14. Thank You for sharing your story, during the Holidays it’s hard for me first because I suffer from. seasonal depression, 2 I lost my oldest sister and Father which his Birthday is Christmas Day The memories are bittersweet, because the Doctors and Nurses at the Hospital were my Father was set up for all of my Siblings to have Santa come and visit us bring us gifts , Dolls for the 6 girls and toy cars for the boys it was supposed to be a distraction , But, that’s what’s fresh in our minds and that’s what we have as memories We still Grieve and never gave ourselves Grace Thank You I’m sharing your story with my Family, Prayerfully after 50 years we will start our Grief with Grace

  15. Thank you for this. Went through something similar with being stuffing for everyone and not knowing how to raise in the moment and grieve properly, also leading to the breakdown and anxiety and depression after a while. But God. And thank you again for your testimony.

  16. This was right on time, my father transitioned in March… and I am still learning how to navigate giving myself the grace to grieve.

  17. Thank you so much for your writing on grief and loss. We as African American women seem to feel that we always have to be strong. In not allowing yourself to feel during times of loss we do great harm to our physical and spiritual selves.

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