Why is it that when we have children, we automatically assume they will look like us, act like us, and be like us? Well, honey, NEWSFLASH—it’s all LIES. Your child may act like you, look like you, or even be like you in some ways, but the likelihood that you will have the complete trifecta is probably next to none!
When we have our children, we map out and dream up their whole lives while they’re in utero. But it rarely ever happens the way we plan. I have a beautiful 10-year-old daughter; she is hilarious, compassionate, opinionated, extremely extroverted, thoughtful, marches to the beat of her own drum, and is a complete ham. While I can honestly say she did get a few of those traits from me, one thing she absolutely did not get is my complete love for school, learning, and books.
This may not be a big deal for some, but for me it was devastating. In my mind, my child was going to be racing me to the door to get to school and telling me all about the new books that she wanted to read. Instead, I am lovingly pestering her to read her allotted 20 minutes each day, and when I ask what she learned new in school, I get the dreaded response of “nothing.” No parent wants to hear “nothing” because we know for a fact that you have indeed learned something.
Previously when I asked her what her favorite subject was in school, she said “recess.” I thought to myself, my child just said recess and simultaneously clutched my imaginary pearls. When I tried probing further about core subjects, I was met with a very firm and definitive “No.” I literally laughed out loud because what else could I say or do? Now, I know what you’re thinking, maybe it’s the school, the teacher, the class… nope. She was very fine with all those things individually. My child just does not like school. However, recently her favorite subject changed from recess to math. HA! WIN FOR ME! And I will take it!
Don’t misunderstand, my daughter and I have a lot in common, but there are certain things—such as school, which I consider major—that we don’t. Our differences don’t end there. When I was a child, I hated getting in trouble, breaking the rules, or doing anything that might be considered the “wrong” thing. If you looked up goody-two-shoes in the dictionary, my picture would be staring back at you. Seriously.
Fast forward decades later to my motherhood, and my beautiful, willful child does not share in my philosophy. At all. Let me be clear, she is not a juvenile delinquent in the making, but her willfulness (or stubbornness, whatever you want to call it) means that all the thought and care I gave to avoid getting in trouble, she does not. She is just going to do it and think about the consequences later. And by ‘later’ I mean when she actually gets into trouble and it’s punishment time.
In her 10-year-old world, she knows better than me; she’s the smart one and I’m the remedial one with a whole lot of catching up to do. We all know that isn’t true (let’s be honest, I have decades on her), but that’s just not how a 10-year-old brain works—well, at least not hers.
This may seem laughable—hardly something worth getting upset over, but again, this was not part of my in-utero plans. Not at all. Before you say it or think it, no I didn’t expect my child to be perfect because I am not. And while I can add humor to this, it is a very real issue that mothers face. We often feel like we did something wrong because our child does not like school, is defiant or strong-willed at every turn (and not to their benefit), or has very different personality traits than we do. But it’s okay. You did not do anything wrong. We are all doing the best we can with the knowledge we have to love on our babies and prepare them for the world.
And while my Pumpkin and I have vastly different opinions when it comes to some of the things I am very passionate about, she still inspires me every day. She is determined to be herself no matter what and to shine her light as bright as possible (even if it blinds others in the room). Her love, compassion, and thoughtfulness towards others melt my heart. Her love for words, cards, and the smallest of gestures reminds me of the beautiful soul I had the privilege of birthing.
She is growing, learning, and finding her way—in the way that she needs to. So what she doesn’t like school, and so what she isn’t that fond of reading; she still is one of the dopest, most beautiful people I know. She is an awesome human. And she doesn’t have to be my “mini-me” to still have all my love.
Leave a Comment
Gina Newton-Cook says
I love this❤️ What an inspiration. I am sharing it with my mini me and letting her know I love her as she is and who she will be—beautiful bold and brave.
Nadine says
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS….If only more parents (fathers too, cause whooo Chile there are not enough sports options available 😉)….but just imagine how many more ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL WELL DEVELOPED HUMANS there could be potentially be if more got this concept…..LOVE IS ALL WE NEED✌🏾💜
Bettie Murchison says
Love how you embrace this with a sense of humor. I too shared the same situation. It let me tell you, as the mom to two willful, intelligent adult daughters, I’m proud I let them be themselves. At 35 and 48, they are both independent self employed confident women who found their way to good career choices (multiple times) and are secure in how the move through the world. Never fear you daughter’s route to success. You may work for her one day. Sending good wishes.
Tiffany says
I love this!!!! This article is completely facts! As parents, we create this image and personality of what we dream our kids to be and it never turns out 100% as what we dreamt but that’s ok. It’s definitely an adventure of discovering who our kids really are.
Racine says
What a refreshing insight into motherhood ❤️
Janae' Corbin says
Beautifully written! You can feel the love, passion and commitment that you have for motherhood. You both are growing gracefully. You just keep getting better with time. I pray that you both continue to inspire and learn from each other daily. Love always wins. 💕
~Peace and Blessings
Mone’t Horton says
THIS is so good. I can feel your passion and energy jumping from each word on the page. So skillfully written. Thank you for your transparency and sharing your journey! You are two Beautiful souls and look forward to your continual evolution! Keep going! Cheering for You!
denise lloyd says
Amen, a resounding Amen!
Gerry Malone says
I wonderful testimony on parenting. To be able to realize we are all unique individuals is an act of patience. Artificial Intelligence (AI) is different from having your own individual soul and being able to find your beat to the music and path on life.
Eddricka Jefferson says
Love this post! My daughter is now 23, a Spelman graduate and will soon have her Masters from Tufts School of Medicine. My daughter was the same way at 10 and she has surprised me of who she is now. Sooo don’t fret, as my grandmother use to say, just keep on living. I guess she meant what is now will change many times, just keep on living. Now I tell my daughter I’m sooo glad you are not anything like me because you have surpassed me and all my expectations. So, I say, just keep on living.
Key says
This story had me in knots and I was sad when it concluded. You captured the essence of motherhood so beautifully and did it with blunt honesty with a glass of humor on the side. Thank you for being an inspiration and reminding us that it’s okay for our kiddos to be different from us. God designed us to be unique and your story reminded us of that. Thank you for being a blessing. I can’t wait to hear more of your story one day 💕
Markeyta says
There are no lies told here!!! I can truly relate in more ways than one! One thing for sure , and two things for certain a mothers love is one of a kind. Right , wrong, or indifferent, children can count on our support. I wholeheartedly enjoyed this read! From start to finish. 🙂
GwenDee says
Loved this piece. Yes as parents we daydream about our Mini Me’s. However reality is a different story. Neither of our adult Mini Me’s are like us. They turned out to be the perfect versions of themselves.
Dominique Coleman says
Tiera Parker, thank you for sharing your story! I can truly relate in more ways than one. I have a daughter who is 9 that will be turning 10 towards the end of the year. I appreciate your transparency and hope that it will other moms with similar stories to know it is ok, everything will be ok, and continue to let your child be just as God intended. I pray that your relationship with your daughter will continue to flourish with an unbreakable bond like no other. Be Blessed!
Cherice Jackson says
Yes, to all of this! I share some of your very same sentiments. I now look at my daughter and find myself in awe as she continues to inspire me to embrace some qualities in myself that I had yet to explore…until I saw them in her.
Donte Parker says
Great words of wisdom
Corbin says
Such a well-written and insightful article! Love how you made those realizations about you and your child’s differences but didn’t let it get in the way of a beautiful mother-daughter relationship.
Corbin says
Such a well-written and insightful article! Love how you made those realizations about the differences between you and your child but didn’t let it get in the way of a beautiful mother-daughter relationship.
V Williams says
This was very beautifully & eloquently written. You actually took me on this journey through your eyes as a parent with you. I totally feel you. While you & your child still have a long way to go, enjoy the experience, pay close attention each day and continue to guide your beautiful spirited daughter into womanhood. Life’s journey continues……
What an enjoyable read!!
Diane Hunter says
I never thought of my daughter as a mini me. I was too busy trying to provide a way out of someway. Being a single parent she watched me and she became a very independent woman. I am very proud of her to this day.Your piece brought back a lot of parenting memories.
Jina says
Gurl, she belongs to the AnJina Club, I don’t like reading either…
Chanelle Allen says
Screaming this is so true when it comes to me and my girls. Sometimes you are just trying to get your children to understand that you only want the best for them with no harm attended. I am very hard on my girls because I want them to be ready for this unpredictable world we live in that Sometimes deal unfair cards. I want them to know to always do your best no matter what people may say just go out there and make those dreams you have for yourself come true. Please know that mommy is right beside you, right behind you, and know that I’m never to far away where I can’t catch you. Tiara you are a amazing speaker thank you for this ❤️ keep it coming my love.