Yes or no?  Should I stay, or do I go?  

Those are questions that I’m sure we have all asked ourselves. For me, they are number one and two on my lifetime list of questions. I know this may sound like I’m talking about relationships or careers, but I’m really talking about all the choices we make every day—whether big, medium, or small. They weigh on us. How many times have you been stuck at a grocery store wandering the aisles trying to decide what to throw in the cart? How about going back and forth with a spouse or friend about where you’re going to eat dinner, how many times has that happened?  

Whether breaking up with a significant other or handing in your resignation at work, choices are a part of life that challenge our personalities, what we believe, and, quite frankly, how vulnerable we are with our feelings. At the end of the day, we still must decide. So how do you make a choice that you can live with? 

I had an unexpectedly deep moment with choices when I finally told myself it was time to buy a home.  It didn’t initially seem like a spiritual experience to me until I got knee-deep into the process. I viewed listing after listing. I was outbid more times than I want to mention, and please don’t even get me started on the all-cash buyers. (Thank you very much, California!) All I saw was me handing over my life savings for a property that I really didn’t want.  

It was so frustrating that I stopped searching for a long time. My realtor was an absolute gem and tried to reassure me that when the right deal came along, everything else would fall into place but that it was my choice if I wanted to walk away. I thought about the pros and cons. Let’s be honest, I had very few cons because homeownership is rarely a bad choice. During my weeks-long brainstorm, I got a call to view a new listing. There was a couple going through a divorce, and the husband wanted to unload the property as soon as possible to finalize the papers. As a result, they got the sale, and I got a great deal.  

And while everything ultimately worked out, what I really needed the whole time was a smack in the head for being a brat. It was another reminder that the power of knowing when to walk away is deeply rooted in our ability to connect to a higher power and to trust that thing we call our gut. I had been totally ignoring mine. My gut told me it was time to stop years of renting, save money, and buy a home, but I wanted to walk away because I wasn’t getting what I wanted when and how I wanted it.

My uncle always tells me, “There are no right and wrong choices, just good and bad ones.” It’s hard—not impossible—to recover from bad choices, but I was about to make one. I was not in control of the home buying process, and that was my real frustration and reason for wanting to quit. Taking chances that might lead to rejection is a vulnerability of mine that I’ve had to accept.

Today, when I’m at a proverbial “fork in the road” and I’m choosing something seemingly simple like eating out or ordering in, I really dig in and ask myself, What’s the real holdup here, Danielle? Why can’t you decide?  

We are our own authority and have the last word on what feels good in our souls. Listen to yourself, trust yourself, and accept who you are no matter what roadblocks may come your way. So the next time a choice arises, it might be that much easier to make a good one.