I met my late husband in 2010 through a mutual friend. In hindsight, I realize this was the best way to meet someone. We had grown up in the same area of the city and knew many of the same people. He became my best friend. We married in 2013, enjoyed life and welcomed a son in 2015, and then my husband died suddenly in 2019. After losing him so tragically and unexpectedly, I was heartbroken and unsure about love.
When you lose a spouse, everyone is watching and waiting for you to rejoin the dating pool. It took me a little over two years to dip my toe in and, whoa, dating has changed so much over the last 10 years. Where did all these dating apps come from? Swiping left and right is so confusing, and the thought of being catfished scares me!
I am not the same woman I was when I married my husband. My priorities and needs are different as a solo parent. My checklist now includes prior marriages (a widower is a plus) and kids because I need to be certain that he has experienced a long-term commitment and understands the role of a parent. I also know that I don’t need a husband.
My definition of love today is not the same one I had in my twenties. After becoming a wife and mom, I realized that love is an action and not just an emotion. It was important to learn my love languages (quality time and acts of service) and to understand how I receive and give love. A partner may think that gift-giving is a way to show love, but it isn’t for me. Not everyone has the same love language, and it is vital to know what your love languages are in relationships.
Love has many lessons, and I have learned my share. I have gone through some of the most challenging experiences in my life, but I am still grateful to have experienced true love. I am a better person for having loved and lost. I often reflect on what my past relationships have taught me. I have learned the importance of sacrifice and that time is valuable. That love and happiness are intertwined. If you’re unhappy with yourself, it’s challenging to find someone else who will be.
Healing is also critical on this journey. You need time for self-discovery and self-love before welcoming love into your life again. I didn’t want to rush into anything simply because I was lonely and used to having a companion. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, it’s impossible to be satisfied with another person. There is a misconception that only those in relationships can be happy. But being single does not mean you cannot have fun or find joy in your life. Life is to be lived! There is nothing wrong with doing things alone. I enjoy my own company and have embraced solo travel and dining alone.
These lessons give me hope that love will find me again.
Love is out there for us, but it will not fall from the sky. Yes, I believe in manifestation and prayer, but faith without works is…dead. If I want love to find me again, I must put myself out there and let the world know that I am ready for it. Love won’t find you if you don’t let it in. We’ve all heard that love will find you when you least expect it. But what if love finds the people who are looking for it? I’m tired of hearing about how love comes to those who don’t try.
I have hope that there is love after loss. I know I’m not alone, and I hope my journey can encourage you in yours. If are starting over like me, don’t give up!
Tell me, have you lost a love—are you looking for love again?
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Your story is uplifting and so on time for me.
As I lie here in the early morning hours thinking about the grimm health prognosis given to my husband of 27 years, my thoughts have been scattered and non-stop.
As caregiver, the past year has taught me alot, not only about the functions of the body, but also about my physical strength and capabilities.
I only pray that my emotional strength will be just as strong as my physical strength has been going forward.
Again, thank you for your advice.
Hello Ellen, continue to use that alone time to focus on your thoughts. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Take care of yourself.
I lost the love of my life … we met at 16 and 17 and was best friends for a very long time. I moved to his city at 22 and we had our ups n downs and and eventually got it right ! He passed at 57. I wonder if I will experience that love again.
You consistently provide great perspective on this journey. What you shared resonates with me as I journey into love
Thank you for your kind words Brandi. This journey is ours to embrace and live out as we wish.
Hello Dee, I know your pain and believe that we deserve to experience love again.
thanks for sharing great read
Thanks for reading Tina.
Thank you for sharing your story. I too lost my husband unexpectedly – 2020. He was the love ❤️ of my life, my best friend. We shared many great years together- married 2004. As a widow it has taught me self love, and lots of other lessons on this journey. I have learned to embrace my alone time and be okay with just me and my 2 sweet pups. I am Blessed to have loved. May you find love again!
Thank you so much for sharing Diane. I receive that and will be sure to return with an update!
Thank you for this encouraging reading. I have never been married before but has given the The will to continue loving myself.
Thank you for reading Sonya.
This is a beautiful story and self expression. I love the fact that you say “some people think buying gifts/things or material things means “I Love You.” That’s what I always say “I am not a material girl, so it doesn’t matter how many things/gifts you buy me that doesn’t mean you love me, truly.”
For me it’s the little things that matter!!!
I love your story, thanks for sharing
Thank you for reading Deborah! Knowing your love language is so important.
What a fitting message.
I was married for almost 30 years and have been a widow for 11 years. It’s all about courage to get back out there. It is also an awesome feeling when you learn new things about yourself. Stay Encouraged. I’m not looking for Love but it is so special when you see it demonstrated!!
Thank you so much for sharing Mitch.
I too lost my husband suddenly just 2 years after our marriage (August 2015-October 2017). I waited 1 year before seeking a love interest. I understood the importance of self-care, self-reflection, the grieving process and healing.
It has been challenging and exciting to mix and mingle, meeting liked minded men pursuing love thru dating Apps or mutual friends.
Love is a word of action… acknowledging (knowing) what you want, desire and need is vital in getting and receiving the love you are seeking.
Keep an open mind, enjoy the journey and know you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your King! Therefore… don’t settle and never give up! Life is so much more enjoyable and fulfilling when you have a loving supportive partner!
It took 5 years of dribbling and dabbing with prospective mates before I met my Match (Match.com)!
Trust me “LOVE” is out there for you… Keep your heart open and Believe!
Best-
Thank you for sharing RBC! I have faith and will share an update when it happens!
Thank- you.
This article truly Blessed.
I am in a healing process in my life and still recovering from a very stressful; horrific divorce, job transitions and learning to how to better take of myself in this stage of my life.
I want to be a better place within myself to allow myself to love again, learning how to care and love myself in this stage in my life.
Hello Stacey, give yourself grace and time to heal. You will know when you are ready.
Your thoughts are well received! I am also a senior widow, looking for companionship! I moved to a new state! The change will serve as a catalyst and open limitless possibilities. Of course I have to be active and receptive ❤️
Thank you Tena! I am so happy that you have embraced this new chapter. I know that you will receive love.
I have lost love through a divorce, through reconnection of a longtime friend then realizing that this love was not the forever kind, then getting engaged to a familiar love from the past to have it disintegrate because of a known illness that he wasn’t able to allow me to be a part of. I am 64 years old and have not given up on love.
Hello Edna, I always think of the lessons that love has taught me.
As dating has changed over the years. My greatest fear is being catfished AGAIN. Scammed AGAIN. I have learned to embrace my singleness. To trust what God has for me is for me. I am happy. Alone but not lonely.
Yes, Lathie, we must continue to trust God. There is a difference between being alone and loneliness.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and experience. I agree. Dating does not look the same and I am not the same person I was when dating worked for me. I enjoy my own company now because there is so much peace found in what I know. The unknown scares me and honestly creates insecurities. I am confident that love will find me and until then, I am more than ok.
Congratulations to you for taking the time to heal and discover you. Our God is awesome and as we seek Him, He continues to encourage and confirm us to move forward. Although this piece is mainly about your process, I am sure the other layer is helping your child process and heal. Thank you for sharing. I am three years divorced and am healing. I agree that love will come again as I welcome it.
Blessings and Godly Love to you and yours! Our God is awesome!