I picked up my niece from school one day last spring. We rode home, like always, chatting about her day and probably listening to Prince. When we pulled onto our street, we noticed a little boy walking around outside. Unattended. It was the end of the school day, and the buses were doing drop-offs. Maybe he’s just excitedly waiting for an older sibling, I thought. We parked in front of the house, and the school buses came and went. None of the older boys or girls came over to him.
I didn’t like how close the little boy was to the curb, so when we parked, instead of going inside my niece and I walked over to him—not too close and not too fast. We didn’t want him to think we were playing a game and run away or dart out into the middle of the street. My niece loves children, a veritable teenaged Mary Poppins, so she’s chatting up this little one while I’m looking around for the grown-ups who must surely be with him.
He was adorable. He looked about 3 or 4 years old and was only semi-verbal. That was enough to tell us his name but not where he lived. We encouraged him to lead the way, and we walked with him, hoping he would just head back home. For a while we walked…and walked…wandering with him up and down the block. We peeked into open yards, scoped out second floor balconies, hoping someone was looking for him as well.
I started to get nervous and unsettled. Where were his adults? Who had him out here like this, by himself? Then I got upset with myself. How long have I lived on this block? Why don’t I already know who this boy is and who his people are? Why don’t I really know any of my neighbors?
I chalked it up to nature and nurture. I am, somewhat, introverted, and I really enjoy my own company. Then, there’s where and how I was raised. I’ve been in the Midwest for quite some time, but I was born and raised on the east coast—prime “mind your business”, “what’s it to ya’?!” territory. Plus, as a young Black girl, I was taught to be observant, vigilant, and aware of my surroundings at all times. Add to that the lessons of public transit, and I’d developed a very solid “don’t start none, won’t be none” disposition.
That’s useful for riding the Path Train and the subway, but less so for helping a toddler find his family.
My niece and I tried to come up with a plan. She suggested we knock on a few nearby doors; I text my friend who recently finished her degree in social work to ask if she had any ideas. In the meantime, I snuck a photo of the little boy in case I needed it later. (I prayed not to need it later.) Our knocks went unanswered. Then, a woman emerged from a back door and came over to us. The little boy recognized her, and she introduced herself as his grandmother.
I introduced myself and told her we lived nearby. The grandmother told us that she was often left to babysit and proceeded to overshare about her daughter—what she was and wasn’t doing with her life and for her kid. I wanted to know my neighbors, but not this well. My niece and I politely departed and walked up the block to our house. We came inside and didn’t talk much about what had happened. But I wondered what my niece thought of the whole thing, and I hoped I’d done the right thing.
My social worker friend got back to me, and I was happy to tell her that the situation had been resolved. But I kept that photo in my phone for a while longer—just in case (call me a skeptic). Since then, I’ve avoided only one neighborhood block party, but I did check on the folks next door during a bad storm and shared about their downed powerline when I called the energy company. Baby steps.
So many lines, lyrics, and clichés come to mind: people who need people are the luckiest people… love’s in need of love today… won’t you be my neighbor… But there’s truth to it all. Community is essential and, as corny as it sounds, we need each other. So, might as well start with the ones who are literally, geographically, the closest to you.
Have you gotten to know your neighbors? Why or why not?
Leave a Comment
Alicia says
This was an awesome story. I do always make it a point to know at least 2 or 3 neighbors. Living in an apartment makes it a little harder.
Teresa Leggard says
Ty for reading, Alicia! I’m working on it.
Sharon S Lawson says
We love our neighbors. we have shared marriages, death, graduation, college determination, divorces, and many more events. Through it all, there was love.
Teresa Leggard says
Aw, Sharon! That gives me hope. Ty for reading–and for sharing!
Sharon S Lawson says
We love our neighbors. we have shared marriages, death, graduation, college determination, divorces, and many more events. Through it all, there was love.
Thank you
Deborah Johnson says
I can relate to this story. I was embarrassed to realize that I didn’t know my neighbor directly across the street (she had lived there over 10 years). I was reared to mind my business and not get too involved with neighbors. I went to work and came home to take care of my family. When I was at a party at my child’s school, a woman came up to me and let me know she was my son’s friend’s mom. When she said her daughter’s name, I said “Oh! You live right around the corner from me”. She responded, “I live directly across the street from you!” I wanted to fall through the floor. I realized that I needed to make a connection with my close neighbors. now know all of the neighbors on my street and their children’s names (l live on a short street). When I go for a walk, I stop to say hello when I have time. It has enriched my life without interrupting it in a negative way. When my husband retired, the new family down the street had their young children to make a handmade sign of congratulations. It really warmed our heart! I realized that my mom did know all of our neighbors but she wasn’t in and out of their homes and thus, had a pleasant relationship with all of them. Thanks for the beautiful story that stresses the need to make a connection with neighbors.
Teresa Leggard says
Ty for reading, Deborah! I think it’s never too late.
Jane says
This was beautiful, your act of kindness and sharing. Communities are no longer the same as when I grew up in North Carolina during the 60s and 70s or even later in Brooklyn. I’ve been in my home for 35 years and only know my immediate neighbors. I am very aware of children when I saw them walking alone. We have to be neighborly even though our communities have changed.
Teresa Leggard says
Ty for reading, Jane! I know times have certainly changed, but I’m curious, too, if geography plays a part at all–urban isolation and all that.
Marlo Davis says
I have a beautiful habit of not wanting to let people in but the way my schedule is in case something does happen I can b assured I’ve got 2 great neighbors watching my home my 16 yr old along with my ring security system
Teresa Leggard says
Sounds like you’ve created a tight-knit community, Marlo! Ty for reading.
Sandra Pelham says
I grewup on on my street as a child and later return home to take care of my Mother who had losted contact with her surrounding and lost touch with everyone, She had Alzhemier . But coming home on a regular basis, I got to know those neighbors. The neighbors Mom had when I was growing up was either deceased or with their grown children. When I moved back home, I got to know my Neighbors very well. Crime and drugs became an issue and we had to look out for each other, I later became the Chairperson of my Neighborhood Watch Group. Crime is down 20 percent with the help of the Police Dept. Most of my neighbors I still know, I am no longer the chairperson due to my age. It is enough to mind my own business these days and do “Self-Care” for youself.
Teresa Leggard says
Ty for reading, Sandra. Sounds like your watch group was a solid success. It’s a balance I’m still working on, when to get involved and when not to.
Cindy says
Thanks for this story. No I don’t know my neighbors. I live in a predominately white neighborhood and have for the last 7 years. It is an unfriendly place. I’ve tried to be out going but it doesn’t work. one neighbor did come over the first day I moved in, but no one since. I am looking to move because I feel so isolated. Again thanks for your story.
Teresa Leggard says
Ty, Cindy, for reading–and for sharing. I’m sorry you’re going through that; home should be a refuge–and that includes your neighborhood as well as your house.
Caren says
I can totally relate to your situation Cindy. Most of my closest neighbors are white and they don’t talk to me or my husband. Like you, I have tried to reach out but to no avail. I grew up in a neighborhood where we knew most of the people on our street and even three streets over but I guess neighborhood’s are not like that anymore. Or maybe it’s just ours. Oh well, Teresa I’m glad you took the the to reach out to help that little guy get home safe.
Evalyne says
This was insightful. I do know my neighbors and even people who live in other areas of the development. We have a walkable community and you are often engaged in conversations. I am introverted as well and I totally understand your position.
Teresa Leggard says
Ty for reading Evalyne!
Victoria says
Pre-pandemic I knew my neighbors, but not until after I got a cute little dog. Now the whole neighborhood knows the dog and us. We wave and chat and occasionally come to the rescue.
Chandra Youngblood says
I’m a retired transplant to a new neighborhood. One of the ladies on my culdesac organized a dinner for all the ladies on the block. I enjoyed it and got to meet my neighbors. Sometimes I get my neighbor’s little one when she’s running late to meet the bus and I’m happy to help. I’m glad that she feels comfortable and that she knows me and we will look after her little one