I remember when I penned these thoughts on my singleness:
In moments of loneliness, I feel the ache of singleness the most. I ended a relationship recently, and it was the right thing to do but very difficult. I knew the end of that relationship meant the feelings of loneliness would come sweeping back in. Growing up in church, they told us to kiss dating goodbye and “wait” because our husband would appear just when we “least expect it.” There is no formula for meeting the person you decide to spend forever with. Every story is unique. While marriage isn’t the ultimate fulfillment goal for my life, I am keenly aware of my desire to love and be loved by a significant other. We are all wired for connection. And even though I desire companionship, I can confidently say, “My relationship status does not define me.”
I had journaled, seen my therapist, cultivated friendships with other single friends… I did the internal work necessary to be okay with the engagement announcements and to celebrate the pregnancies. I learned to enjoy my own company and to sit in silence. I taught myself how to make room for my grief and longing while creating a life I loved. It took a lot of work and honesty to get to that point.
Imagine finally getting to a place of mental stability and settled-ness and then, suddenly, you meet someone who may finally be worth your time. I don’t know about you, but I was surprised when this happened to me. I feared losing all the ground I had gained from working on myself and finding my voice. Did I want to open my heart to love? It was a risky decision.
When my matchmaker introduced me to my husband, Marcel, it took me a while to let my walls down. My heart had been broken a few times, and I worked hard to keep it safe. I found myself waiting for him to fail or mess up so I could say, “You are just like the rest of them.” Not only was this unhealthy, but I was pushing away the type of person I’d prayed for. Relationships take trust and vulnerability. I had to trust myself and give love another chance. I had to trust that my internal work would guide me as I opened my heart once more.
I took the risk and began to grow in love with this man. It was a beautiful process—at times it was hard, but I began to let him in. I’d never met someone so kind and compassionate before. I wondered if this was too good to be true. I would ask him, “How do I know you aren’t doing this for show?”
He would reply, “I will show you over time with consistency that I am who I say I am.”
That is exactly what he did. He was patient. He showed me how much he cared. I spoke to the loneliest part of me and reminded her that my heart was safe in his hands.
All the internal work was worth it because it gave me the courage to love when my fears said run. It gave me the ability to hope when I felt pessimistic. The work—and even the pain—shaped me. I learned to trust myself again and, in doing so, my heart opened up to the best love I’ve ever known. It was all worth the risk.
We’ve all been through painful experiences, but those moments don’t have to define or hinder us from the love we desire. Maybe you have been in a failed relationship and don’t want to make the same mistake. You might find yourself afraid to open your heart again. Some fool might have broken your heart and your trust, and that has taken you back to square one. Not everyone wants romantic love, but if you do, I hope you find what you’re looking for.
What would it look like to trust yourself again—to open your heart to love?Leave a Comment
Marilyn Green says
I loved this article. I am sooo happy for you. The best part for me is when you said,” I spoke to the loneliest part of me and reminded her that my heart was safe in his hands”. Loved it! I will remember those words when my husband comes along. Thanks
Faitth Brooks says
Thank you, Marilyn!
Carleen Williams says
I honestly don’t know what that looks like. When I remotely start to think I am ok opening up myself to love again…I encounter a fool. I’m on the verge of really giving up. I have been married twice and thought three times would be an option. My hope in finding true love is fading at a fast pace..
Faitth Brooks says
It’s hard to hope when you have been hurt, I understand that. Take it one day at a time.
Janice Marrow says
I’d like to know what matchmaker you used.
Faitth Brooks says
Her name is Autumn Joy but she has paused her business for now.
Love Is a Desire That Becomes an Appetite
Have you ever wondered what your appetite for love would be? Have you ever questioned your internal desires or even vocalized them? Have you placed God at the center of it all? We as humans have appetites just as unique as we are. It is one of the things that can separate us from each other, or bring us together. Several appetites are brought to light from abusive love to rejected love. MonaLisa says, “Refusing to forgive smothers my freedom in Christ and stunts my spiritual growth.” In this book that is very clear. This is an excellent read for those who are searching for love or wanting to love. The underlying theme seems to focus on keeping God first in our lives and in our quest for love. MonaLisa tells her story as Tiara, often called a mentor, minister, coach and counselor. She is a woman of great wisdom when it comes to helping her family and friends figure out why they love the way they love and why they love, who they love. She is an essential voice to all of them and honest in her responses to their questions. She helps them to see themselves and those they are “in love” with. Whether right or wrong, her voice is heard. As I read Love is a Desire that Becomes an Appetite, I saw myself in several scenarios and even took a moment to reflect just how far I had come in my quest for love. Each chapter in this book outlines the different appetites that we a s people have. Some appetites are learned behavior that was passed down from our parents and some are other behaviors that we ourselves created in an effort to protect and provide. Although some scenarios, such as the relationship between Darrius and Alexus, highlight just how precious love can be when the two put Christ first, there are other scenarios like the relationship between Jada and Darnell, that can be leave you questioning your own desire to love. An Appetite is a n excellent depiction of how love can help us when used the correct way and with the right person, or hurt us when we ourselves a re hurting. For the most part, Love is a Desire that Becomes an Appetite brings out the best and worst in human relationships when it comes to love a nd even gives you a view into the author’s own desire to love, and be loved. In her own words, “love is not love until it is shared with someone else. I still trust God to bless me with love again, because I truly TRUST GOD. I gave up the only man I have ever loved for God, believing God would give me love again, but it has been more then 15 years, but I still have HOPE in God, God will fulfill His promise to me. I can still recall God say, MonaLisa do you love him more than Me(God). I said, “No God I love you more.” God spoke, “Give Him Up Then, and I gave him up.” Believing God would allow us to share our love together again, but he married someone else. God has someone better for me, And It Is So Father God. Every journey I take in life is a journey to be a blessing to someone else. AIISFG.
Kenia Prince says
Beautiful. Just what I needed. Thanks for sharing.
Stacey Coleman says
This message really touched me!
Thank you for your Honesty!
I can relate in so many aspects of your journey.
I am still healing, working on myself and knowing prayerfully I will be Blessed to Love again ❤️.
I am currently grieving the end of a relationship and doing the groundwork to heal. It’s not easy and my initial coping mechanism to hide and shut off love is present but I’m fighting it daily. This article is right on time. Thank you
What a beautiful life story. So full of all of life, love and “Me” challenges and reality… Then there was True Love. It takes a lot of patience and trust. You two look like the “Face of Love”. Thank you
That was a beautiful story and it gave me hope that one day I can love again.
Patricia Williams Wilson says
Love will find its way to you. In the meantime, do the work on yourself….. be patient, be kind to yourself, and love yourself 💕.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your transparency and well written message was inspiring. I understand oh so well where you were. I pray that I am delivered from my fears of trusting someone again and that I can learn to be vulnerable.
Your message was beautiful and timely. You and your husband are a beautiful couple. May God continue to bless and keep you.
Alice E Edmonds says
What a beautiful story full of HOPE. I, took found love after divorce and death of a spouse. We met on Match.Com and will be celebrating 13 yrs of marriage this year. I give GOD all the credit for my continued faith. I trusted God and my belief in myself. Giving up is not an option.