Sometimes we went to a proper fireworks show with all the cousins in tow. Other times my mom, dad, sister, and I stood out in the backyard and watched the sky; still, on other occasions, just the four of us would drive down to the beach to see the explosions sparkling over the water. This one summer when I was a kid, my cousins and I were at my grandmother’s house playing in the back room. The Fourth of July was approaching, and I must have expressed some excitement about going to see the fireworks. I don’t remember the exact plans that year, but I do remember one of my older cousins saying, “I don’t know why we even celebrate that holiday. It’s not for us.”
A few of my other older cousins nodded in agreement, but I was confused. “What do you mean?” I asked.
My cousin answered with a shrug. “The Fourth of July isn’t about Black people, so why should we celebrate it?”
I still didn’t understand, but I don’t think I asked any more questions. Looking back, my reaction still makes sense to me—in my young mind I was American, and it was America’s independence day, so we celebrated.
As I got older, we celebrated less and less. Not for any particular reason, I don’t think, other than we were growing up, everyone was getting busy, and it just wasn’t as fun as it used to be. But I think that maybe, subconsciously, what my cousin said all those years ago was marinating in my mind, and it made more and more sense the more I learned about American history and slavery and the realities of being Black in this country.
Take some historical dates: Slavery itself began in 1619. American independence was declared in 1776. The Emancipation Proclamation went into effect in 1863. Juneteenth—the true end of slavery—happened a whole two years later in 1865. So, for nearly the first 90 years of America’s existence, freedom was celebrated while a whole race of people was in bondage within its borders.
Years of Jim Crow laws and segregation stifled our freedoms well into the 20th century. And now? America’s day of freedom falls just two weeks after ours, and ours only became nationally recognized as a federal holiday in 2021. This year, the United States has officially been a free nation for as long as slavery lasted within it.
Needless to say, the Fourth of July is a strange holiday for me. It’s not one I readily make plans for because my feelings around it are complicated. It’s meaningful, but it hurts.
I think what my cousin was saying all those years ago in my grandmother’s back room is that he still didn’t feel free. Of course, we have been blessed to not know the bondage of our ancestors, but that doesn’t mean we’re free from the trauma of that history. It’s in us. It’s part of us. It’s carried in our families. Our grandmother lived through segregation, and our parents were just children during the Civil Rights Movement. The past wasn’t all that long ago.
Now that it’s summer again and these two independence days are here, I’ve been thinking about what freedom truly is and what it means to me. I’ve been wondering what my cousin was feeling when he said—in his own words—that he didn’t feel free. I know I have been free all my life, but the reality that I belong to a race that was enslaved for so long scares me the older I get. Why did it happen the first time? How do we know, for sure, that it can’t happen again? If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that the racism and power dynamics responsible for slavery are as alive, well, and virulent now as they were then. They’re just not as overt. And that is, in many ways, so much more dangerous…
So, as we commemorate and celebrate independence(s), I’m still asking: what is freedom? What does it mean to feel free rather than to be free? Is it just knowing, or is it something more?
I turn to Christ for my answer. He who fights for freedom extensively in the Bible, He who inspired Charles Haddon Spurgeon’s famous (and oft banned) sermon, “The Great Liberator.” Maybe to feel free is to feel saved and cared for—maybe it’s to know that someone truly knows and cares for you, that someone will fight for your rights and freedoms simply because you are human and made in divine image. If that is freedom, I’ve felt it. I’ve known it. Not all the time, but enough.
What about you? What does freedom mean to you? What does it mean to feel free?
Leave a Comment
K. Hunley says
Thank you for this passage! I have very similar sentiments. As a child I celebrated with family as we had cookouts and watched fireworks. Growing and understanding as an adult I just don’t feel as excited to celebrate what the 4th of July means to me as a black woman. I haven’t been excited wearing patriotic clothes. Maybe it’s because the same country that we celebrate doesn’t always appreciate or value our blackness.
Christina Burton says
Well said. Relatable, too. I think often on both my American, Democratic freedom and my freedom as a black person, and how flimsy both are feeling right now. Most days, I try to embrace being American as the “more important freedom” simply because of it’s perceived benefits… but I tell ya, lately… it has been feeling like the Constitution was written on a napkin and is still in draft. TODAY, however, I naively see my freedom from enslavement likely in the same way the 45th President of the U.S. sees his right to the Oval office: I feel entitled to it. Two different ideologies, one shared sentiment—the scary part of dichotomies in America.
Beverly Watkins Weatherly says
Thank you for your piece, it makes one think about freedom in it’s total. I’m saved and I have been redeemed by accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior. So free to me is to treat everyone as special as He did when He laid down His life for this world when we were not worthy of His sacrifice,but GOD our creator looked at us His (created being) with all the love and mercy in him and said I, we the world was worth the sacrifice of His Son. Our sacrifice is to treat and love others and treat them with kindness and dignity to bring some light in someone else’s darkness. Free to accept when I don’t agree. Thank GOD for freedom. Thank you for this piece from your heart and soul.
Alveria Lock says
Beautiful, just beautifully said! I too am older now and know the difference of the two celebrations. It’s so good to know there is another holiday that Black Americans can call their own, Juneteenth! THANK YOU for the commentary, so many of us identify with these thoughts exactly!
Francine says
Great historical share mix with removable family experience.
June Halstead says
Sometimes I dont feel free. I avoid places in which I feel a sense of racism, I worry about those patriots who line a particular street in Western Palm Beach County rallying for a man with the initials DT and as a Veteran, I resent having to not feel free knowing the fight for freedom wasn’t free for me.
Gloria Lucas says
WOW! That was deep!
I captured so much knowledge and understanding from YOUR Reflection of Juneteenth and Independence Day, it’s wordy of being shared.
I don’t always feel free neither. 😇