Last weekend, I arrived at my favorite restaurant and gave the hostess my name for the reservation. She took me to my table. Once I was seated, the waiter approached and asked, “Will anyone else be joining you this evening?”
“No,” I responded, and he cleared the extra place setting away. I’ve been widowed since 2019, and I am a proud, 43-year-old, single Black woman in my Self-Love Era. I enjoy dining alone, traveling solo, and attending events without a plus one.
Society often associates doing things alone with being anti-social, especially for single women like me. We are labeled as stuck-up and unapproachable. But I’m here to challenge that narrative. During the pandemic, there were a lot of people struggling with the lack of social interaction. Many had a tough time being alone, but I embraced it. My self-love journey has taught me that spending time with myself is not a sign of isolation; it’s an act of self-care and self-discovery.
In my self-love era, I’ve discovered that self-love is the foundation of all other forms of love. By loving myself, I’ve become more compassionate, empathetic, and understanding towards others. How can you possibly love anyone else if you don’t love yourself first?
I wasn’t always this way. There was a time in my life that I would have been embarrassed about something like dining alone, but not anymore. In my 20’s, I thought it was weird. It wasn’t until my 30s that I realized how much power there is in a woman being comfortable with being alone. The company is appreciated but not required.
Being single doesn’t mean I’m incomplete or lacking anything. There’s nothing wrong with me. I know that I am whole all by myself. After my husband’s death, my therapist told me my life was a blank canvas. I’m not the same woman I once was. I can explore my passions, interests, and dreams without compromise.
My self-love era has shown me that my alone time is essential for self-reflection, self-awareness, and self-healing. Most people have a hard time believing that I’m an introvert, but it’s true. As a healthcare professional, I interact with people daily. I love my profession and the relationships that I have established. However, when I am away from work, I enjoy spending time alone. It’s not about avoiding social interactions but rather finding joy in my moments of solitude to rejuvenate and recharge.
Self-compassion has played a major role in this journey. As a child, I was always taught to be kind to others, but I didn’t know much about self-compassion. I’ve since learned to be kind to myself during struggles and disappointments. Instead of self-sabotage, I practice self-compassion, allowing me to bounce back stronger and with a newfound resilience.
My self-love era isn’t just about me—it’s about uplifting other Black women, too. I hope to inspire others to recognize their worth, beauty, and power by embracing self-love. Whenever I travel alone, people are always surprised and even say they wish they weren’t afraid to do it. I encourage them to try it—even if it’s just once. Together, we can challenge stereotypes and redefine societal expectations.
I want you to join the Self-Love Era. It’s an era of empowerment, self-discovery, and unapologetic self-love. To all my fellow Black women out there, let’s embrace our unique paths and thrive. We empower not only ourselves but generations to come. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your own company. Allowing others to see you spending time alone lets them know that you are secure in who you are. You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself.
Now tell me, when was the last time you took yourself out on a date?Leave a Comment