Let’s do a roll call real quick—I want to do a check-in: How are you? Let me rephrase that: How are You? Such a common, simple question can also be so complex. I already know many of us subconsciously answered the first question with “Good” or “Okay” without any hesitation. You probably did not think much of the question because most people don’t. When I asked again, putting an emphasis on You, most of y’all probably hesitated to answer that time.

Did you start to feel a knot in your stomach? Did your head start to race while you tried to find the right words to say? If you are always considered the “strong” person or friend, you probably wanted to cry. This all leads me to the next questions: How many people are actually checking on you emotionally versus checking in with you just to see what you are doing? How many people do we speak to daily with little-to-no regard for how they are actually feeling? We’ve got to do better as a culture, and it starts by checking on someone to see how they are doing versus what they are doing because there is a difference.

Many of us suppress a lot of pain on our day-to-day walk. Suffering in silence and being mindful not to place any unnecessary burdens on our loved ones is considered the new strong in the millennial world. Yet in the same breath,many people will assert that their needs take precedent over the wellbeing of others,  hindering  a genuine connection from forming. I remember one time I was literally mourning my cousin’s death, and my associate was more concerned with my providing her an event than with my state of wellbeing. Although I knew it was not ill-intended, I became annoyed with her immediately.

I am definitely considered the strong one no matter what social group or setting I am in. And as a proud millennial, I never knew how much I needed to be asked ‘how are you’. Last month, I auditioned for game host for a major MLB  (Major Baseball League) Team and, unfortunately, was not chosen. I am used to rejection—it comes with the line of work I do, so honestly, I did not even think to process it. I just wanted some space, peace, and quiet, to have the tunnel vision to prepare for my next audition. (With all the shenanigans going on in LA, peace is something I long for daily.)

Anyways, I was sitting in bed in deep thought. It was extremely silent, and I was comfortable just being. As I was in my ‘Ghandi’ bag, my phone rang. I’m not gonna lie, despite being as sociable as I am, if I’m not in the mood, it ain’t a good look for me to talk to anybody but Jesus because my attitude can go from 0 to 100 like nobody’s business. Between the gigs, the upbeat lifestyle of the media, my boyfriend, and keeping in contact with everyone so no one feels left out, I was extremely exhausted.

Sending the call to voicemail was my best option. Talking would’ve been doing too much for me in that moment, but something told me to just suck it up and answer. I turned over my phone, and it was my oldest sister Shanta. (I promise y’all if it was a bill collector, they would’ve gotten cussed out, and I probably would have lost my soul’s salvation.) Anyway, once I picked up, my sister asked me, “How are you?” I immediately burst into tears.

The release of emotions was indescribable. That simple question gave me confirmation that sometimes it is okay to not be okay. More importantly, it also made me feel good to know that I matter—not for what I do or what I can offer, but simply for who I am. That question provided me with what I needed to press on. Long story short, I did not know I needed my sister at the time, but I did. I am so happy when I have someone ask me how I am doing without feeling like a burden.

I urge you to check in on your friends, your loved ones, your family, and your acquaintances. You never know the difference your concern could make.

So, let me know y’all, how are you doing?