There he stood calling out the airman’s creed. He was everything that I had prayed for and everything that I had dreamed. He had heard every word.

One day in kindergarten, his teacher had decided that she would embarrass him. She was tired of him purposefully walking to the back of the reading circle every time she announced it was time to read.

She admitted that she knew he was from a good home, as she had taught his sister Ciera a few years prior. Enraged somewhat, she took it upon herself to teach him a lesson. She figured she could do so, as she knew me and understood that I held my children accountable for their actions, even in kindergarten.

So, Mrs. S read the story. When it ended she asked, “Christopher, who is the main character in this story?” With his back still turned to her and without hesitation, he told her who the main character was as well as named the supporting characters, their roles, and their purpose in the story. He also told her the overall moral of the story and what they could all learn from it.  

There Mrs. S sat with her eyes full of tears and shame in her soul. She had set out to embarrass Christopher, but instead was shocked and ashamed of her own actions.

Now, I sit in this stadium on this cold November morning at 5:45 a.m. with the memory of Mrs. S’s confession. Her discovery led her to give me this advice: “Never fight the battle of receiving eye contact from him.” She went on to advise that I should not waste precious time fighting certain battles as a mom, much more as a single mom, as this was just not a battle that needed fighting. Mrs. S advised me that she carried enough shame for the both of us.

As she apologized for the umpteenth time, I walked away, praying to remember her words as I allowed the truth of the moment to sink in. I let out a sigh of pride in him, while also fearfully hoping that I would get it (motherhood) right.    

I sit now in this moment as I gaze out at my son amongst the other 755 airmen graduating today. I now replay in my mind all the senseless arguments I had with him over the years.  Not to mention all of the battles in my own mind as I wondered if I would ever be good enough. 

“I cannot teach you to be a man!” I would exclaim. “I am sorry. I can only tell you what a woman considers a good man to be, and I can give you Jesus.”

Yet, the fear continued its loom, year after year, that I was only ever speaking to his back (or what felt like his back). I wondered if he heard me.   

It was never my intention to be a single mom. Honestly, it was one of my deepest fears. I watched my teenage friends do it in high school and I remembered thinking to myself, I am not cut out to do it on my own. Yet, I found myself divorced, starting over, and praying to God that I did not scar my children forever. 

Yet somehow, some way, my words got through. He had heard me all along. I knew it to be true when just three weeks prior, my phone rang. There was my son’s face and name on my caller ID. I answered with excitement as I had waited weeks to hear his voice.   

As he spoke, I discovered that he was no longer a young boy from a broken home full of his own fears (and some that I unintentionally imparted). I was now talking to a grown man; an airman. My airman.   

There is no particular thing I can pinpoint. No specific change in his voice that I could tell you to listen for. But what I can tell you is that as a single mom, you are enough.   

Keep praying and keep believing. Speak to your sons as though they have heard you, even when their actions might seem to tell you otherwise. Speak life to them and over them. Your words will one day stand before you. 

Today, mine stands before me with the heart of David, the strength of Sampson, and the wisdom of Solomon (my prayer for him since he was a boy). Everything that I thought that I failed to give him, prayer answered.   

To every single mother who is wondering if her son is listening. Know that he has heard every word. Know that your prayers are stronger than anything that could oppose the words that you have spoken over him. Know that love, the dependable sure love of a mother, will give him the strength that he needs as he navigates the waters of manhood.   

What words have you given your son that you didn’t think he heard?