We all have had relationships and friendships come to an end. In fact, it likely will happen many times over the course of our adult lives. So, it’s important to remember that these transitions are both normal and necessary.
Finding friends as an adult requires so much intention. It is not as easy as bonding over Uno or Double Dutch on the playground. We no longer have the common denominator of going to the same school or eating lunch during the same period. We also don’t have hours to spend on the phone learning each other’s favorite color and talking about our deepest fears. This is because our responsibilities take precedence. Whether it’s a budding career, children, or a new romantic interest, we are faced with the daily struggle of finding harmony amongst many competing priorities.
Not to mention, “friending” takes work—it takes both intention and attention, but since I realized that I am my best self when I am part of loving communities, I’ve been determined to put in the effort. Friendships are the foundation of these loving communities that promote both individual and collective growth. They are safe spaces for healing.
When I started really putting in the work to develop my communities, I started getting results—I was blessed with new friends! And while there are levels to friendship, there was one person I considered an intimate friend (emphasis on the past tense). After a year or so of being in each other’s lives, she even gifted me a bracelet with the engraving “soul sister.” The gift was so meaningful to me because I considered our relationship to be tied with the strings of our hearts.
Together we laughed, cried, yelled, went on play dates with our kids, ate good food, and laughed some more. But after a few years, things got a little weird. To be completely transparent, I’m not even sure why. If I had to guess, I’d say it was a combination of life happening and each of us evolving as people. We tried to schedule time together to talk things through, but neither of us was particularly persistent with making this meet-up happen. Eventually, like a vapor into thin air, the friendship diminished.
At first, I was sad. I was hurt. I was bothered. Moreover, I was bitter. But today, I find myself thinking about the fun and funny times we did share. I think of the times we consoled each other while distressed. I cling to the memories that bring me joy and remind myself that although the relationship may have diminished, the love we shared over the course of the friendship was real. I still wear my bracelet every so often as a memento to myself that love transcends both space and time. And I wish her the absolute best and hope that all the desires of her heart are being met. I still believe she is deserving of all the good.
I am working hard to allow people to flow in and out of my life with ease. When good people come, I choose to love them while accepting that their position in my life doesn’t have to be permanent for it to be meaningful. When good people go, I choose to let them—completely trusting in the Divine plan and timing of my life. This doesn’t mean that some relationships aren’t worth fighting for, it just means that I must be aligned with my purpose and my season so that I know the difference.
There was a time when I was afraid to let people go because I thought love was scarce. The fear of scarcity created within me the need for control and attachment. Now I understand there is no scarcity within the Divine. I stand strong on the belief that every ending represents a new beginning, and I am normalizing the ending of relationships without harboring bitterness because the love we shared remains unchanged.Leave a Comment