I’m a travel coordinator for television and film. It was my last day on this job, and I did not have another job lined up yet. For the past few years, I’ve been blessed with consistent work—sometimes even having jobs overlap, which is not easy as a freelancer during these difficult times. In addition to that, I’ve returned to school part time to finish my undergraduate degree. With this demanding schedule, I’ve wished for down time as I’m usually tied to my laptop or phone for most of the day.
Now that I have some time on my hands, I somehow don’t know what to do, nor do I have the motivation to do.
I enjoy my job. Even though it’s challenging and time consuming, I’m good at it. It’s a position that came easy to me and at which I quickly excelled. Corresponding mostly via email, I gleefully hid in my office or, more recently, worked from home in my cozy music-driven oasis. My dreams are to become a voiceover artist and a writer but being a travel coordinator requires a great deal of time and is administration-heavy. Due to this, my creative side has stagnated. I’ve gotten so used to being a workaholic, that it’s become my identity. Also, if I am totally transparent, I’m scared of pursuing those dreams because I’m scared of success (imposter syndrome anyone?).
Where did I go, and who am I outside of work? When did I lose me? This isn’t normal, right? I don’t know how people are so self-motivated to tap into their creativity. I wish someone could hold my hand and lead me exactly where I should go. So, who else better to ask than God?
I’ve been asking God for His leading hand and for strategy as I currently feel lost and uninspired. Instead, He’s been pouring into me about who I am and His promises to me. He spoke to my fear first by directing me to 2 Timothy: 1, For God did not give us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. He also reminded me in Acts 17:28, For in him we live and move and have our being. So, I took a dry erase marker and wrote down the following on my mirror: Alignment, Commitment, Create, and Discipline.
I realize that when I am discouraged or depressed I detach myself from God, so I must strive to align myself with He who created me. Afterall, He knows my deepest thoughts. Once I’ve meditated on His word, I committo the decision to put myself out there. Then, the fun part, create. This is what I was born to do. It is instinctively within me to draw from the well of ideas and execute fearlessly what’s there. Finally, it is essential to apply discipline to hone these God-given gifts, talents, and abilities. The decision to put myself out there does stir up anxiety, but the decision to sit on them (my gifts) brings regret. Make a decision.
So today, I picked up my headphones, blew the dust off my mic, and recorded and submitted a few auditions. Hearing my voice felt weird (do I really sound like that?) but satisfying. I have a learning curve ahead of me, but I am content with the process. I’ve also submitted some of my written work to writing competitions, so I can get used to critiques, rejection letters, and acceptances! I am nervously excited about where all of this could lead, and I’m building my confidence along the way because it feels right. Betting on me feels right.
How do you motivate yourself to go for what you know is within you?