I love how this generation is super big on self-care, but I need us to be just as big on doing the internal work as we are on splurging for the external luxuries. Now, I am a girlie girl who finds value in presentation and appreciates aesthetics. And getting that pedicure with the white nail polish to top it off is unbeatable (not having to wear socks because your feet are done 24/7 is God tier). However, self-care is way more than just spa days, mimosas, and posting those 4k videos on Instagram of renting the yacht in Miami.
We have been taught for so long that the better we look, the better we feel. And though there is some truth to that statement, I would like to challenge the ideology. The better you feel, the better you look sounds way more accurate to me. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with rewarding yourself and adopting a certain type of lifestyle, but that is just one component. Self-care means taking care of ourselves internally and as a result our external selves reap the benefits.
I remember one Sunday afternoon during the pandemic when I felt super defeated. I had just gotten word that the show I hosted on TMZ, No Filter, would be abruptly ending—after I’d signed a 3-year contract. I could barely get up because, to be honest, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to go out and face the day. I thought my life was over; to find another opportunity as big as that one, in the middle of the pandemic, felt impossible.
My career was not headed in the direction that I wanted or needed it to, and I could feel all the hard work and sacrifices I had made up to that point going down the drain second by second. In that moment, it didn’t matter what I looked like. I didn’t get up to do my hair, my nails, or put on my vanilla perfume. I just wanted to lay in that bed and pray the nightmare away. In that moment, my mental state was drained, and it affected my outward presentation. (Side bar, before y’all start talking about me: I wasn’t looking crazy or dusty out here in these streets—I just was not going out of my way to present what I felt was my best.)
Being a girl’s girl, the idea of me not wanting to get my nails done is wilder than Thornberries. I was down bad; thank God I came out of that funk. The point is: I didn’t feel good internally. My mental wellness needed to be nurtured, and because it wasn’t, I didn’t feel like showing up as my best physically.
Now, there are those individuals who can mask how they feel very well. They can look like everything is going great but be suffering on the inside. No offense, but these people are non-paid actors and pretenders. I understand trying to look your best even when you do not feel your best, but for me that’s not true self-care. That’s just trying to get by while still hurting within.
Putting a band-aid on bullet wound in the name of self-care does more harm than good. And “fake it till you make it” does not apply to every situation and circumstance. If we are not taking care of our mental hygiene daily, then we will bleed on things that did not cut us—and maybe lose our authentic selves in the process.
All I’m saying is, self-care goes beyond just looking the part on social media. True self-care is doing our best to preserve and protect all of us in our glory, and that starts from within.
What self-care routines have you adopted to live a healthier life—inside and out?
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Great article. We can look pretty on the outside but hurting on the inside. We tend to ignore our mental health and think it will take care of itself, it wont. Stop ignoring issues, acknowledge them and get some help. Note: Your family and friends aren’t always the help you need. Seek professionals.
The self-care routine that I have adopted is working out so I can remain healthy. For a while, exercise was lower on my priority list, but I know that when I’m moving my body, my stress level is under control and I sleep better.
Enjoyed your article, thank you!
This was a phenomenal & very vulnerable read. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. While living in LA one self care activity I adopted was hiking. Connecting with the earth allowed me the time to connect with myself. I completely agree that when you feel good on the inside you shine bright on the outside.
I am currently away at a women’s self care retreat. Today, I started my healing process by sharing my ‘root’ of my pain. Out of nowhere, I felt compelled to share my story with one of my roommates. It felt so good and then I went to my room and started writing in my journal. I took the first step to my healing, today.
Doing more natural remedies,showing up for myself even on bad days.
This is such a awesome story, what you’re doing is showing people when you fall you can get back up like you never fell you overcame every single obstacle that came your way…. And I agree the better you feel the better you look cause I’ve been through it myself 💯 you are such a powerful young black woman and don’t stop til the casket drop 💯💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾🖤
I am writing social emotional poems directed at reducing trauma (hidden or exposed).
Wow this was a great article to read. I love how personable you were. It made it very relatable as we all have had moments where we felt undefeated.
Being a mother I am hands on with my family and by the end of the day I’m burned out and have nothing left for myself. I often feel convicted when I do something for just me..
By reading this I am reminded that self care routines are essential and I really need to find time to take care of myself especially when I have a family who depends on me.I am going to find some time this week to incorporate self care routines for myself because like you said “ When you feel good you look good” and I do like to look good!
Thank you for this!
Great read!