About the Author

Faitth Brooks is a social worker, speaker, writer, and podcaster. Formed in the Christian tradition and Black liberation theology, Faitth uses her platform to enliven her following for collective liberation centering on the sisterhood of black women. Faitth is crafting communal space where rest, tenderness, and softness are commonplace for...

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  1. This meant so much to read this morning. I am battling so many relationship woes in my life and trying to heal without jumping in too quick. Thank you again.

    • Good for you and your wisdom. We are all here to learn lessons and live through those moments, and come out better than we were going into a relationship. God bless you Valentina.

  2. Still trying to heal and figure it out. I feel as though I lost my Best Friend and in my eyes I have…because our relationship started with a friendship and has been between us for over thirty years.( our Mothers were Besties) I ask myself how do I move forward yet I know that I must and each day I am getting stronger and better in this area. So much has happened in my life in the past two years its draining sometimes to think about it, yet I press on and God has been faithful with New friendships and opportunities on my horizon. My heart hurts still and I smile as I’m crying inside… still asking the question…Why?..but realizing that I will never or may never hear his answer yet still realizing that at this point it really won’t make the difference I’m seeking to hear or understand…. Goodbye my Love or were you ever My Love? I can’t answer that it’s time for me to go……

  3. Thanks for your story. It’s not just a breakup, sometimes it is divorce and death. We stay in relationships that have become toxic for us. In my case I marry him, He divorce me because he was told to but he never leaves me alone and so we remarry and then he died in someone else’s arms and all the time this was happening his family knew. We had two children and at first, I had enough. Somehow, the kids and I went on the back burner, the only time we took center stage was if we were out of the country, since he was in the military. Otherwise, I was both mom and dad to all the kids his 3 and my 2. Did I love him? yes, I did. Was he good for me? at times. But what did I know about relationships? not much. I just did not want my life to end like my mom. So, I thought I could do so much better. In some way I did and in some way I did not. My husband was similar to my own father who I did not grow up with. I did not understand any of it until after He died, and I was so broken inside. I realized I spend my whole life wanting him to be happy feeling if he was, I would be. but he was rarely happy. It took the book of proverbs in the Bible to help me finally understand. As women of color, we need to teach our daughters how important they are. Let them know they are already complete as they are. Every one of us have issues some more than others. But only God can help us heal from our brokenness. You have to realize you are perfect in God’s eyes so he knows how to remove anything that should not be there. He created you; He sees you and he pass absolutely NO judgement. It took 6 years for me to finally understood that after my husband death and I have forgiven myself and I am learning to forgive him, My dad, my mom and especially my stepfather. It was harder for me to forgive him for some of the horrific things he did to me: but at the end of the day, he is gone, and he now have to talk to God about what he tried to do to me. I just have to not let that hamper the rest of life I have here on this earth and the only way is through forgiveness. Forgiveness is the key, instead of questioning yourself, forgive yourself and learn to love yourself with all your faults because God does. Forgive everyone that hurt you because God say. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay”

  4. Healing from a break up is a process. One must begin by making yourself a priority and remember “people only do to you what you allow them to do.” I suggest a positive support of one or two real friends, much prayer and self-examination through professional counseling. I’ve been there and done that, and it worked in my favor. One more thing, learn to be patient with yourself, and when you beat yourself up, and emotionally, you will, do it with a feather!

  5. Thank you my sister for being vulnerable and sharing your story I’m very proud of you for taking the necessary steps to move on with your life you’re alone but you don’t have to be lonely and you should never dim your light to let others shine to thy own self be true your Mr Right is around the corner just wait

  6. That was a painful and powerful testimony. I think we have all been in a similar situation.
    We really must learn how to walk away, it is exhausting.

  7. I was in a similar relationship such as this one for many years. His actions showed me he LOVED me but, he truly just didn’t know how. Women threw themselves at him like flies at a Sweet’s only Sunday Park Picnic, and he’d try to catch each one like a vintage left hand baseball glove. I shared with him that men were just as or even more attracted to me. The only difference between he and I was, I would happily tell the men that I was in a relationship. Was I really? I struggled for years to end our love revolving door romance until one day, I fiercely stood on the strength and promises of GOD’S words that said ” FOR God has not given us a spirit of Fear, but of power and Love and of a sound mind. Gods words poured into my spirit and I bravery walked away from LOVE with a very broken heart, but with a sound mind. He could not believe I had finally left him without hesitation, and there was NO turning backwards. Yes, he begged for my return and promised he would not hurt me anymore, even wanted us to get married. I felt he wanted me as his prize cake, because he knew my loyalty to him. I didn’t ignore the fact he felt he could still eat other flavored pieces of cakes at the Sunday Sweet’s picnic, because he would now have the prize cake in a crystal cake cover, that being my wedding ring. I told myself, no, not this time. I couldn’t trust him or his promised lies. I stood on Gods words not his. I told myself I would not return to a burning relationship God had rescued me from. It is now 16 years later, and he is still begging for my True Love. Well, I guess he didn’t take to heart my words when I quoted to him the words of the POWERFUL song ” Someday, the one you gave away will be the only one you’re wishing for”.

  8. As a person with childhood abandonment issues, I was taught that I needed to get over my pain and just move on. In relationships, I have found that everything is wonderful and exciting in the beginning, but over time things relax and expressions of love seem less important. So much emphasis is placed on the initial attraction, but once conquered the efforts diminish.

    I believe it is important to voice when your needs are no longer being met, early on. As women, we can lose our voices because we don’t want to rock the boat or appear ungrateful. I have always left first if my unhappiness is not addressed after attempting to be heard. This has a lot to do with my fears of being discarded. There is an old song by Bobby Womack I used to hear when I was a kid. “The same thing it took to get your baby hooked, is gonna take the same thing to keep her.”

    There is more to “getting over it” and moving on. It is more important to sit with the pain and disappointment. I love the author’s ideas and suggestions of the many ways that can help. Grieve the loss, and reclaim all the good you felt about yourself before the relationship. Selfcare (Love of self) is critical. This sets the stage for healthy healing and moving on even stronger and more determined to live YOUR life.

  9. As a person with childhood abandonment issues, I was taught that I needed to get over my pain and just move on. In relationships, I have found that everything is wonderful and exciting in the beginning, but over time things relax and expressions of love seem less important. So much emphasis is placed on the initial attraction, but once conquered the efforts diminish.

    I believe it is important to voice when your needs are no longer being met, early on. As women, we can lose our voices because we don’t want to rock the boat or appear ungrateful. I have always left first if my unhappiness is not addressed after attempting to be heard. This has a lot to do with my fears of being discarded. There is an old song by Bobby Womack I used to hear when I was a kid. “The same thing it took to get your baby hooked, is gonna take the same thing to keep her.”

    There is more to “getting over it” and moving on. It is to Sit with the pain and disappointment. I love the author’s ideas and suggestions of the many ways that can help. Grieve the loss and reclaim all the good you felt about yourself before the relationship. Selfcare (Love of self) is critical. This sets the stage for healthy healing and moving on even stronger and more determined to live YOUR life.

  10. I GET RID OF ALL THE PHYSICAL ITEMS(TRIGGERS) IN MY PRESENCE; PICS, CLOTHING, ETC. DELETE ALL SAVED MESSAGES ON MY PHONE. STOP AND TAKE A BREAK FROM DATING. SPEND TIME IN SILENCE DURING THE DAY (MEDIATE 10 MINUTES), AND PRAYER. LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSELF AND REESTABLISH A PIPELINE TO GOD. HE WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH COMFORT. REMEMBER EACH RELATIONSHIP PREPARES YOU FOR A BETTER ONE; IF YOU LEARN (MASTER) YOUR LESSON. NO REGRETS, JUST LESSONS LEARNED.

  11. Your remarks on no matter the length of time given in a shared relationship when it ends, the outcome is still a loss. That shook me, particularly in this culture of “ghosting” without so much as an “it’s not you, it’s me” explanation. When everything in you tells you to walk away, regardless of the numerous attempts to ignore or quiet the internal alarm, oftentimes we already know that we need to, must, and should end it and walk away. Take the time to grieve and heal; however, when it’s over, let it be over. Every ending leads to a new beginning.

  12. I heal after a break up is reminding myself ,I am a child of most high living God. We are his children. It’s that’s person lost abd someone else gain. I hold God to his promises abd think back on the relationship which I realized it was for the best. I start living my life to the fullest and God will plant that special person in your life who will be better . Love you unconditional and treat you like Queen you are with royalty. You will never compromise yourself because that person will realized you are wonderfully made as phenomenal woman you are.

  13. Wonderful article for those of us who keep doing the same thing over and over, thinking it will one day work out and knowing deep down inside it won’t, also questioning if you really want it to; but afraid to make the move. I did that for 20 years and now I’m 78 and don’t know where to begin. Thanks for sharing !

  14. Thank you for taking the time to write and share this piece. I definitely related to it all. I was in a 9-year relationship. I knew I needed to end the relationship when I started losing my identity and was not being my true self. I was also not content or satisfied. It was time to move on to a better me. It was a release and a relief. A huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was able to breath.

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