About the Author

Dr. Alisha Reed is a licensed pharmacist and a widow mom who believes that self-care is non-negotiable. She is the creator of the lifestyle brand FLY with Alisha Reed, moderates a widow support group, and hosts The Fly Widow Podcast.

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Reader Interactions


  1. I love this article!!
    You’re Absolutely correct, 40’s are not the new 20’s!! What you accepted/tolerated back then You will not nor have the Patience to tolerate now, and that’s totally fine!!
    Embrace the 40’s.. as for me I am embracing my 50’s!!

  2. Please accept my condolences. Thank you for sharing the valuable lessons you’ve learned about grace, acceptance, and relationships. Typically, as we near the conclusion of specific chapters in our lives, such as work or relationships, it’s essential to embrace the new lessons waiting for us. It may be uncomfortable sometimes, but being open to doing things differently is necessary for growth. Recently, I have discovered the power of saying no and the importance of protecting my peace.

  3. Please accept my sincere condolences. Thank you for sharing. I thank God you took the time for yourself we as women don’t do it often enough. Continue to loving you.
    Happy Birthday !

  4. My sincere condolences.

    I am over 60 and have grown
    It feels wonderful to have spiritual peace and serenity with Christ. I am free falling with Him and it is exhilarating. I have met new friends and have more fulfilling new experiences. Thank you for sharing.

  5. OMG, you have me in tears!!! I absolutely needed this. Correction: GOD knew that I absolutely needed this, at this appointed time. I started following Mahogany to support my Business Coach who is a contributor like you. I read other writers submissions from time to time, but I most connect to follow and support her, if truth be told! However, as I was cleaning out my inbox your title captured my attention and I moved in for the read.

    As you talked about your selfcare journey to 44 (the number 4 is my Spiritual number), releasing of expectations, extending grace to yourself, and bringing in your next chapter of life on a solo selfcare experience – your sentiments mirrored exactly where I am right now in my life. I turn “50” on October 31st if it’s God’s will and I just new I would have this huge, beautifully produced 50th extravaganza (I am a REALTOR but love Event Planning as well), but I quickly realized that is not how God wants me to bring in this new year of life.

    So I have been toiling with doing the same thing – just taking a trip alone to celebrate me with my God! No big lavish party, no expensive international trip, but simply be alone with myself and God to truly hear His still, sweet, small voice guiding me towards my new assignment. I have experienced so many ebbs in my life this years. Traumatic experiences that have left me questioning God’s will for my life. But one thing I know He requires me to do in this season is – BE STILL, know that He is GOD, lean NOT into my own understanding, and sit ALONE so that he can guide and direct my next steps.

    2024 is already an amazing year and I know God’s blessings will abound me. I am walking in my new assignment of being OBEDIENT, listening intently to God’s instructions for my next at “50”!! THANK YOU QUEEN for blessing me with this post. ~NBS

  6. The lessons I’m learning and have learned on my journey is that my timing and God’s are completely different, And like you, I must show myself Grace and not be so hard on myself when plans don’t work out, or when things change beyond my comprehension. I would like an opportunity to just be in a space of unfamiliar peace; a location (an actual place, a beautiful trip) I’ve never been before for clarity of what’s next…

  7. I love the 3 words you’ve chosen, principally grace. It is so important. I don’t know why we as Black women are so wired to give freely what we also need desperately – grace. I came a little later to the realization – I was closer to 54. I’m late, but I’m here. Bravo Sis, enjoy 44. I did. Funny, I’m at the same crossroads at 59. I guess if we live this life right, we will always be sweetly or not so sweetly compelled to change and adapt. God gives us grace. We wear it well. Onward!

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