Can I be real with y’all for a second? Is it just me or does it seem like the holiday season is not “holiday-ing” the way it used to?

I was so excited for Thanksgiving dinner because I baked my first sweet potato pie (by myself, by the way) using my grandma’s recipe and everything. But as I was baking my pie, I realized something was missing. I live in Los Angeles, but I flew home to New Jersey to be with my family for Thanksgiving. Even with being home, though, I still found myself extremely sad. I thought maybe I needed to add a lil’ razzle dazzle, so I put on the Jackson 5 Christmas Album to get the vibes going. I had my family, the music, and the aroma of good food cooking — but at the end of the day, it all just felt forced for me.

In that moment, I couldn’t help but wonder: If the vibes are off now, then what is Christmas going to feel like? But then it dawned on me. As joyous as the holiday season was for me as a child, the pressure of grown-up life can really dictate how you feel around the holidays.

I am someone who is extremely grateful for the small things, so I didn’t understand why it felt like something was missing at Thanksgiving with my family. I found myself wondering again: Am I spoiled? Am I just feeling empty? So, to keep myself grateful, I thought about what others might be dealing with during the holidays.

At this time of year, some people are reminded of lost loved ones who have ascended. Some people have broken relationships with their day ones (closest friends). Others don’t even have a solid family to be thankful for. It can be depressing scrolling on social media, seeing everyone with their families for the holiday and realizing you have to spend it by yourself. Some people are struggling financially, so much so they can’t participate in a Secret Santa gift swap because the lights got to stay on, and there is barely bread on the table, and that open oven door is what’s really keeping the house warm at night.

After sorting through all these problems that arise during the holiday season, I knew immediately why I personally felt unfulfilled. I am at “that age” where I am not married and I don’t have any children. In my family, this is odd . . . because everyone is married by twenty-five and with kids by thirty. In my family, marriage and children are like a badge of honor. So, to gather together with my siblings and cousins and see the families that everyone’s created — I kind of felt unaccomplished for the first time.

After realizing this, I had to shift my vibrations. I had to think about the fact that I have shelter and food. I gave thanks for the fact that my parents are still around and that I’m healthy in mind, body, and spirit. I am able to pursue my dream in life. And, though I live far away from my family right now, God saw fit that I could at least visit them. I’m reminded that God will give it when He feels like I need it. There really is so much to be thankful for.

This holiday season, let’s be grateful for where we’re at in life. Don’t put more pressure on yourself during the holidays just because you feel like you do not have what others have. So, you may not get that fancy car for Christmas. But at least you have a car. Everybody is at a different stage in life, and your time will come, Sis. But we must be more appreciative of the small things before we get to the big things. Let that be our standard for the season — let’s get back to that space for our holidays.

Sis, let’s shift our perspective and focus on the good of this season. Drop a comment below and share — what three things are you thankful for this season?

This article by Shy Taylor was originally published on Mahogany on December 7, 2022. It has been edited from its original form.