I was raised in a home where I could only dream of what love meant. I didn’t see my father show love to my mother. Instead, they fought. My mom would yell at my dad for cheating, and my dad, in turn, would call my mother names. To avoid hearing the yelling and bickering, I would lock myself in my room. So much hurt surrounded me early on through the relational parental example in my life. I saw verbal and emotional abuse and understood firsthand the silent scars they leave on those impacted: depression, anxiety, low self-worth, and insecurities. I was determined to set myself up so I didn’t experience the same type of treatment in relationships.
When I met my husband, I was 12 years old, and it was love at first sight. A 15-year-old popular boy approached a 12-year-old girl. He was intrigued by my reserved nature, and I was smitten by him. I was so happy he chose me, and I was so in love. We married when I was 19 years old and stayed married for 17 years. Throughout my marriage, I wanted my husband to continue to choose me, but he didn’t. He kept choosing other women. And I kept forgiving and allowing the toxic behavior, hoping I would save my marriage. Unfortunately, in the process, I was losing myself. The behavior worsened, and my heart became numb to the pain.
I was suffocating in my marriage and in my life. I no longer recognized the woman in the mirror. I started having severe anxiety, anger, depression, and bitterness. I was falling apart. Decades after my childhood, I found myself living with the same conditions I’d tried to avoid. I was dealing with ongoing verbal and emotional mistreatment; I was disrespected, repeatedly cheated on, and made to feel less-than and unworthy of the love I was pouring out to others. But I finally reached my breaking point.
After seeing my mother transition from this world due to stage-4 stomach cancer, I made the decision to run from my marriage and to end the cyclical of betrayal and neglect. I had to choose between my sanity or my marriage. Of course, I chose my sanity. Hence, I divorced and cut any relational soul ties that existed.
When I left and took an honest look at myself, I felt hurt, abandoned, unloved, neglected…and the hardest part was that I felt I was to blame for what I allowed to happen. But I wasn’t codependent or weak. I was a wife who genuinely loved her husband and family. I was a woman who wanted to fight and believed that if I held on, then love would conquer all—but it didn’t. Love felt like it turned on me and, initially, I blamed Love. I questioned everything about my existence: What was wrong with me? Why was I not good enough? Why didn’t the only man who mattered (at that time) see me as beautiful? No matter what I did, no matter how much I tried to please my ex-husband, I hadn’t been enough for him.
I wanted my life to be different. I needed to heal and find my way back to me. So, I began my healing by first learning to practice the art of forgiveness. During my forgiveness journey, I learned an important lesson: I possess the power to get it all back. I learned to love myself, care for my needs, and discover my strengths and abilities. I realized I was smart, funny, loving, and gentle; and I started to enjoy my own company. I was enough for me, just as I was. I didn’t need anyone to complete me or to make me whole or happy. I just needed to believe in the God who created me in His own image. I started to affirm that I was the apple of God’s eye.
Today, I am single, successful, and satisfied. I love myself, my life, and the impact I make on the world. I am a professional woman and entrepreneur with an effective nonprofit for boys. In addition, I am a bestselling author, speaker, coach, a great mother, and a trustworthy and loyal person. I love myself and treat myself with love, respect, and admiration because I know I am worth it. I am more than enough. I now know that I am worthy of all the good things God has planned and promised for my future, and I won’t allow anyone to take my power away from me again.
Leave a Comment
Jodi says
Thanks for sharing and motivating!
Elizabeth Jennings says
You are so welcome. Thank you for reading and commenting. God bless you.
Winediva says
While we like to believe marriage can be forever, it is destined by design to expire! Married twice, with 1 divorce and also widowed, I may have left my 30+ years of marriage had it “Not” been his illness and financially dependent on both incomes! I am not sorry for the lessons learned but I choose not to marry again! Unless you find a shared interest and grow as a couple, change is inevitable! It’s how we prepare for it! At 70+, I seek companionship! I’m optimistic!
Good luck to you and I wish you a wonderful journey!❤️🍷👏🏼
Elizabeth Jennings says
Thank you for reading and commenting. What powerful reflections from experience. Thank you so much for sharing a snippet of your experiences and for the positive wishes.
I wish for you happy companionship also.
Many blessings…
Patrece Nicole Hamblin says
Thanks for sharing! Continue to soar!
Elizabeth Jennings says
Hello and Happy Tuesday.
Thank you so much for taking time to read some of my story and for the encouraging words. Many blessings to you.
Evalyne says
Thank you for sharing. My marriage was pretty similar with the exception of name calling. My husband simply cheated every opportunity he got. He would look at women when we were together. I felt ugly and unloved. I am smart. I am very successful and educated. I loved cooking and taking care of my family. It wasn’t enough. I like you broke the cycle and started all over. I am complete and learning to love myself again.
Elizabeth Jennings says
Wow. Thank you for chiming in. I appreciate you reading and commenting and sharing your thoughts. I pray you feel loved and supported as you continue on your healing and self-discovery journey. Many blessings and peace to you.
Charlotte says
What an inspirational story! Thank you for sharing your honest experience and the positive outcome. Thank you!
Elizabeth Jennings says
Good Afternoon and Blessings to you. Thank you so much for reading and for commenting. It is my pleasure. I pray it that my story encourages others. Have a wonderful day and week.
Cynthia Banks says
Kudos to you, Elizabeth, for learning to see yourself as God sees you – a beautiful and blessed woman made in His image.
I echo what I imagine God would say, “Elizabeth, you rock!”
Thank you for sharing.
🌹
Elizabeth Jennings says
Hello and Many blessings to you. What an awesome and beautiful post response. It definitely made me smile. I pray the same blessings for you also.
Rachelle Christopher says
First Elizabeth Jennings I want to say God Bless You Thank You for allowing Yourself to be vulnerable enough to share a powerful testimony of self-love/self-worth I admire anyone who speak their truth who is inspired to uplift others Your story of Your childhood and Adulthood touch my heart I hope many people will take the time to read this article and be inspired to find their own self love and know their worth. May God continue to guide You every day. Continue to be that shining Light to women who feel like they are not good enough, or who don’t know themselves in the Lord My Prayer is reading Your Inspiring Article today or whenever they come across this article that it be confirmation to them that it opens up their eyes and realize they are good enough, their feelings do matter, they deserve respect and love. God Bless You * And Thank You Mahogany for having this social media platform for people to inspire others. This definitely inspired me.
Elizabeth Jennings says
Hello My dear sister. Thank you so much for always being so supportive, encouraging, and a blessing. I really appreciate you taking time to read and sharing such positive feedback. We all go through things in life, but it is how we use those experiences that shape our life. I am so grateful to have such an encouraging community to share a small part of my story with. Many of the greatest blessings wished for you.
Cherice Jackson says
Thanks for being so vulnerable! Excited about all the blessings coming your way!
Elizabeth Jennings says
Hello thank you so much for taking time to read and comment. I am grateful to have found my voice. Many blessings to you also.
Kecia says
Amazing & inspiring! Thank you for shining your light and reminding us that we have the power (through God’s amazing love) to change our narratives.
Elizabeth Jennings says
Hello my sister. Yes, Yes, Yes, so true. Thank you so much for reading and small part of my story and thank you for the beautiful affirmation. I absolutely love it. Yes, we do have the ability to change the narratives. We are the directors of our life story. Wishing you God’s greatest blessings also.
Laleeta says
Truly an inspiration to women. Keep shining my beautiful sista
Elizabeth Jennings says
Thank you for your beautiful and empowering comment and sending light my way. May God bless you also.
J. Barry says
Congratulations & blessings in all you do.
Elizabeth Jennings says
Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and sending blessings.
May God bless you also.
Cassaundra Thrasher says
Beautiful story . All women especially our young women should hear your story.
Elizabeth says
Thank you so much for those kind and encouraging words. Yes, I do work in my community sharing my story and other book resources that I have written with young girls and women…
May God bless you.
Aina Waters says
For your transparency, joy, and honest reflections from a challenging season, thank you. While saddening to know the similarities in our journeys, it is incredibly encouraging to see a beautiful Black woman thrive (with her God and her peace) on the other side.
Elizabeth says
Greetings
I am sorry for any pain you may have had to endure. I pray your heart is encouraged and lightened in knowing that God gives us Beauty for ashes.
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. Many blessings
Dr Angela Booth says
A beautiful story of success and triumph over trials. This will help and encourage many to press forward and let God teach you to become your own cheerleader first! No one can put out your light when you’re created by the Master to shine! Shine on sweetie! Stay YOU!
Elizabeth Jennings says
Hello
I appreciate and honor you so much. I truly feel you are one of my special guardian angel who God has assigned to me and I am so grateful for your genuine love and support. Thank you for being you.
May God continue to bless you.