Looking back over my life, there have been so many twists and turns, hills and valleys, but I am so grateful to still be here. I enjoy looking back because I can see how far God has brought me, carried me. There were many rough times in my life and I’ve suffered through a lot but, still, God has given me the strength to keep moving forward.  

Losing my husband unexpectedly on November 11, 2012 was a devastating blow that I am still reeling from even now. We were only married just short of three years and together for five, but he was an excellent father to my two daughters. We both had wanted two boys and two girls and when God put us together, we had a perfect family. We were supposed to grow old together and spoil our grandchildren together but that is not what happened. He had been hospitalized many times before and he always came home, until he didn’t! His death changed my life. I tried to be strong for our children, even continuing to be a mother to our youngest son Adrein just as I had promised him and Adrein’s mother. Then… 

The morning of May 6, 2020, a phone call from Adrein’s mother and aunt struck me with another, even more devastating, blow: Adrein had been killed. Our youngest son was gone. I could not believe my ears. I couldn’t stop wailing. I struggled to breathe. How could this happen? It just didn’t make any sense. He was only 17 years old. Your children are supposed to bury you, not the other way around. The hurt and devastation continue to this day. The questioning, the what ifs will never end.  

We were homeless in Tampa, FL at the same time they were homeless in Deltona. God had blessed us to finally move into a small house together after being homeless for nearly a year. That was something my husband would never have allowed for any of us if he had still been living, but in 2016 my health failed and I was diagnosed with Lupus and Fibromyalgia. I had been struggling for nearly a year to continue to work but it was becoming more and more difficult for me to get around and the pain was never ending. Finally, a diagnosis. As I sought treatment, I continued to try to work to support my family, but it got to a point where I just couldn’t make it anymore. I had to retire and seek disability. I got my pension right away, but it took three years fighting with the Social Security Administration for approval and, in 2018, when I had exhausted my short-term disability from work, we lost everything we had and ended up being evicted and living in a motel.  

During the time we were homeless, we had a terrible car accident that left us without transportation. It was difficult at best getting around because our motel was in Seffner, FL and not on a bus line. A friend gave me a ride to a park one day where the Agriculture Center was teaching people how to plant fruits and vegetables. There I met a lady who helped us get into the house I mentioned above. I now volunteer with her agency to give back and help other people in the same or similar situation as we were once in.  

I always had a passion for helping the homeless, never thinking for a moment back then that I’d be amongst them one day, but I am glad that we had that experience. It taught us so much and has opened an opportunity for my youngest daughter to get a job which required lived experience.  

I am looking forward to a brighter future, despite the pain of losing my husband and son. I want to continue giving back to the community, but I look forward to doing so much more. I want to one day provide housing for the un-housed. I want to fill in the gaps that exist for people who don’t have their own place to live. I want to provide food for the hungry and clothing for those who are in need. There is much work that I must do so I have to keep moving forward, in spite of the hurt, the pain, the grief. 

I look back to see where I have come from and I look forward to helping others do likewise. What do you look back on, and how does it move you forward?