I was listening to my audiobook while getting dressed, completely absorbed in another world. Just as the book was getting good, it went silent. Thinking I was receiving a call, I checked my phone and saw it was my sister-friend. I picked up, and she quickly said, “Hey! It was easier to call rather than text, and I knew you’d be up.”

My sister-friend lives on the west coast while I live on the east coast. We spent over an hour catching up and discussing life and what’s currently happening. She is incredibly successful in her career and very driven. She is the kind of person I always knew could accomplish anything she set her mind to. We’ve known each other since childhood, and I cherish our friendship because it’s rare to maintain a strong friendship through the various seasons of life.

We discussed how we’ve navigated our friendship now that I’m married and she has a demanding career and isn’t married yet. Sometimes friendships don’t survive this transition, but our friendship certainly did. I’ll be honest; not all the friendships I had while I was single endured — but the ones that did, I work hard to maintain.

I love my husband dearly . . . but I still need my girls — I need that I’m-going-to-fly-to-you-if-it’s-an-emergency sisterhood. That, I’m-available-to-talk-even-if-it’s-after-midnight sisterhood. I need those sister-friends who I haven’t talked to in six months but can still pick up with right where we left off. I need the kind of sister -friends I can lean on and trust no matter what. These friendships, I’ve learned, are worth keeping.

I remember when my mom told me she had a small circle of friends. I found it odd she didn’t have more, and I asked her why she didn’t have more because, as a teen and young adult, I had many friendships. Here’s what she said: “I don’t need a lot of friends, but I do need a few quality friendships.”

Now, in my thirties, I understand. True friendships must be cultivated, and some friendships are for a season, not a lifetime. I can identify different friend groups I had in each city I lived in. (I moved a lot!) Some of us are still close, and some of us aren’t — but the memories we made and the times we shared together were truly special.

In my twenties, everything felt urgent. Getting married and having kids felt urgent. Building my career and feeling fulfilled in my job felt urgent. As I look back, what didn’t feel urgent but genuinely enjoyable was discovering myself with my sister-friends. Laughing until we cried, drinking wine on the roof of my apartment, singing with the music blasting,  packing my bags to go on a last-minute trip to another country — the spontaneity, the community, the adventure is what sisterhood is made for.

If you find yourself feeling isolated or lonely, ask yourself if you’ve reached out to your friends? Or have you tried to make new friends? It takes time and intention to cultivate friendships, but if you genuinely want to be a good friend, you have to show up for them. People don’t show up for you if you haven’t put in the work, too. If you’re struggling to make friends, attend events or groups where others are also looking to make friends. There are many ways you can meet new people. I encourage you to find groups that meet in person and utilize apps like Meetup to find those with shared interests.

Sis, life was meant to be lived to the fullest with community. I don’t believe my husband should be my only friend — no, thank you! I want to have my girlfriends a phone call away. Some of my friends are married, and some are single. No matter where we are in life, I want them by my side through thick and thin. We need each other and we are better when we live in community with one another.

Sis, I encourage you to call or text a friend you haven’t talked to in a while and see how they are doing. And, if you can, find a time to hang out and reconnect. Do you have any tips for maintaining friendships? Share them in the comments so we can learn from each other!