Can I be real with y’all for a second? Is it just me or does it seem like the holiday season is not holiday-ing the way it used to? I was so excited for Thanksgiving dinner because I baked my first infamous sweet potato pie—by myself, btw—using my Grandma’s recipe and everything (and before I finish this story, know that my pie was bussin’ good). But as I was baking my pie, I realized something was missing.

I live in Los Angeles now, but I flew home to Jersey to be with my family just to make sure I didn’t get low-key depressed (I tend to get a lil’ dramatic). Even being home, though, I still found myself extremely sad. I thought maybe I needed to add a lil’ razzle dazzle, so I threw on The Jackson 5 Christmas Carol to get the vibes going. (It ain’t the holiday if the tunes don’t hit, and Motown gets the job done.) I had my family, the music, and the smell of the food, but at the end of the day it all just seemed forced for me.

I could not help but wonder: If the vibes were off right now, then what is Christmas going to feel like? As joyous as the holiday season was for me as a child, the pressure of grown-up life can really dictate how you feel around this time of year.

I am someone who is extremely grateful for the small things, so I didn’t understand why I felt like something was missing. Was I being spoiled? Why do I feel empty? To keep myself grateful, I started to think about what others could be dealing with during the holidays. Some people are reminded of lost loved ones who have ascended. Some people do not have strong relationships with their day-ones or even a solid family to be thankful for. It can be depressing scrolling social media, seeing everyone with their families for the holiday, and realizing you have to spend it by yourself.

Some people are struggling financially, so much so that they can’t participate in a Secret Santa gift swap because the lights got to stay on, there is barely bread on the table, and that open oven door at night is keeping the house warm. Lord knows I’ve had my fair share of broke Christmases, so I know the choir hears me right now. And let’s not even talk about the relationship pressures.

If you’ve been dealing with someone for at least 6 months, and you don’t get an invitation to spend Christmas together? Nine times out of 10, know that it ain’t even that serious. Or, let’s say you do spend holidays together—matching pajamas for Christmas Eve, gift exchange and everything. But as soon as you try to post that beautiful moment, they deny the tag as if you don’t even exist. (Yeah Sis, it’s definitely giving audacity and situationship.) Every year people wait for the holiday season to either validate or invalidate the love they have for their significant other. (Imagine: here’s MoneyBagg Yo gifting Ari another G-wagon in her name, and your S.O. opted to not get you a gift at all? Yikes!)

After sorting through all these problems that arise during the holiday season, I knew immediately why I felt unfulfilled. I am at ‘that age’ where I am not married, and I don’t have any children, which is odd in my family because everyone is married by 25 with kids by 30. Marriage and children are like a badge of honor, so to come together with my siblings and cousins and see the families that everyone’s created—I kind of felt unaccomplished for the first time…

But then I had to shift my vibrations. I thought about the fact that I have shelter, food, my parents are around, and I’m in my right mind. I am able to pursue a dream that would be tougher if I had a little one on my hip. I live far away from my family right now, and God saw fit that I could at least visit them. Instead of thanking Him for that, here I am worrying about having another family. I’m reminded that God will give it when He feels like I need it. So basically, I had to get myself together y’all. There really is so much to be thankful for.

This holiday season let’s be grateful for where we’re at in life. Do not put more pressure on yourself during the holidays because you feel like you do not have what others have. So, you may not get a G-wagon for Christmas like Ari, but at least you have a car. And if you are walking, we thank God for the legs to walk.

Everybody is at a different stage in life, and your time will come, but we must be more appreciative of the small things to get to the big things. Let that be our standard for the season—let’s get back to that space for our holidays.

What are you thankful for?