I had reached my breaking point. Sitting in the pouring rain with a face full of tears, I cried out to the heavens, “What do you want from me?!” My greatest nightmare was staring back at me. I had attempted everything in my power to prevent it from happening, but its grip seemed much stronger than any logical explanation. Was I really facing homelessness? Again?! How could this be?
This was an ongoing pattern of two steps forward and three steps back. I was tired, literally depleted, beyond discouraged, and on the verge of giving up. My experience had been an uphill battle my entire life, and with no human around for me to turn to, I was left to figure out how to break the horrific cycles that plagued my family’s lineage.
I had so many questions during this season in my life. Like, why me? Why did life seem easier for others to get ahead, but nearly impossible for me?! I was used to giving others their “flowers,” intentional about walking in integrity; I kept my heart in a good place—not to mention, my motives were clean. So why couldn’t I catch a break?! All my life I had been labeled the “strong one” who considered it an honor to genuinely give. Yet my truth revealed that although I made myself available to help others in their times of need, when I travelled through my lowest valleys I had no one in my corner I could turn to.
As first-generation, there was no blueprint, no example or “how-to” even remotely close or capable of showing me the way. But there was this one thing. One main ingredient I’d learned during my childhood which proved to be the only ingredient I needed to change the trajectory of my entire life: faith. I firmly believed that I did not have to become a prisoner of my past, and that there was greater purpose beyond my pain.
In lieu of giving up, I chose to believe, pray, and trust. I chose to wait. I chose to stay. A still, small voice spoke to my heart, “Don’t give up. There is a brighter day.” At that moment, I had a decision to make. And although fear intruded upon my senses with the intention of keeping me stagnant, I knew I had to exercise faith beyond fear in hopes of seeing what was on the other side of the mess I was facing. I learned something very valuable during that season in my life: Fear can be compelling, but faith is much fiercer!
Fast forward a decade and a half later, and I am so grateful I did not give up! At that time, I was literally months away from a fresh start in a new state where all my breakthroughs awaited—in love, motherhood, marriage, business, etc. I could not see all that in my darkest moments, but faith was the substance needed to sustain me until I reached the other side. I am now founder and executive director of a successful nonprofit youth organization which assists underserved and homeless youth and families. I am in awe every moment that I am entrusted to help someone else in their time of need. Looking back at that moment over fifteen years ago, I realize I had to break in order to experience my breakthrough.
You see, that moment was never my final chapter, nor were circumstances placed there to ultimately defeat me. I’ve learned—and am still learning—that bad things do happen to good people, but it does not have to stay that way. Many of us have been given circumstances and situations we did not choose, and although we cannot change the past nor what was handed down, changing what the future holds is our greatest responsibility.
A broken beginning can have a beautiful ending. Just as we all experience nature’s seasons, the seasons of our lives also change. It may not always make sense, and there will be times when we question our existence because life is “unclear”, but please take it from me, you will win if you don’t quit! There is a way that guarantees you will make it to the other side much stronger, wiser, and better than ever—if you choose to exercise your faith beyond fear.
Leave a Comment
Jeanine says
What a moving post Michelle. So happy you are in your greatest season and are doing so much to impact our youth. And yes, a broken beginning can have a beautiful ending. May you continue to have beautiful and meaningful blessings in your many seasons ahead.
Aissatou Sunjata says
A thousand times true. I have had so many of those times and tears. I have also felt fear many times. I think sometimes hard times are meant to teach, guide, and ensure that one learns Faith. From when I was much younger and used to run home from bullies, I can look back and say when I ran and the light was green so that I could run to where my aunt was and feel sanctuary there was Faith. There are so many examples as an adult when I was on the verge of giving up. Yet, I have said to myself, “what would happen if you gave up and your blessing was tomorrow, the next day, next week, next year? So, I am here at 62 years old to say that Faith over Fear is real. If only to answer the question, “wonder what is on the other side of fear?
Sherry Sherrell says
I could not agree more. Too often we say we have faith, but when it is tested we fail. We worry, have anxiety attacks, get depressed, and passively wail over what has befallen us – as if we have no active role in our current calamity. Like love, I believe faith is a verb that requires active participation. Life can throw some very hard punches. Faith gives me the strength to fight back and insight to know if I’m alive and trying, things will change. I think it’s very important to have friends, and/or family who share this belief so that in our hour (day, month?) of weakness, they can remind us that our actions have to reflect our belief system. This essay was a beautiful example of how important it is to believe your situation will change for the better, then act on that belief. I was recently very Ill and am still recovering. I can’t make this all go away, and there were days of despair. But I have the power to follow through with diet, exercise, physical therapy and whatever else is necessary for my recovery because I have faith that I will get better or ,earn to live with new limitations. When I had my times of doubt and fear, there was always someone to remind me that fear and faith cannot live together. Choose one.
Carolyn Bell says
What an awesome testimony! Thanks for sharing. God bless!
Tia says
Thank you for this! I am still in the struggle between where I am and where I long to be. In the past 5 years I’ve been fired more times than I could imagine. Each closed door meeting with the management team and subsequent write-up has shaken me. I keep telling myself that this uncomfortable feeling is part of the process. Hoping desperately that I am not wrong. Thank you for shining your light into my dark place.
Gina says
This is the stripy of my life. I can’t believe how point on this is !!! Thank you so much!!!
GwenDee says
Thank you so much for the devotional. I loved “a broken beginning can have a happy ending”. What a wonderful writing on faith and belief.
Cynthia Daniels-Banks says
Michelle, thank you for your transparency. Thank you also for not merely sharing a snippet of your story, but for encouraging me to remember to keep faith in front of fear.
Thank you for your words of inspiration and all you are doing in the lives of others to also inspire them.
May all the things you do for others be boomerang blessings as they return to bless you a hundredfold.
Mrs. Kristina Cox says
This was such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your story.
Blessings
Judy says
Quitting should never be an option when experiencing rough times. Keep going even if you fail. Failure is just an opportunity for a new beginning.
Toshia Huff says
Sis, I loved this! I have been in those shoes before and it is exhausting. But I loved how you kept pushing. Continue to thrive. Thank you for this ture, honest, and encouraging story.
Jade Mason says
Your story spoke to my heart and Soul. It’s a wonderful lesson in faith that we all have to learn. Thank you for sharing!
Estrellita Edmondson says
I feel you, the writer a story similar to my life. St the other side you realize that life really is worth living
Brenda says
This was very helpful. I saw myself within your writing.
Thank you very much.
God bless you