One thing I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember is accepting where I’m currently at in life. It’s never been enough. It’s never been good enough. It’s not my end goal or destination, and therefore, I’m not content or at peace. In my 20s, this drive was a good thing. It helped me work towards and reach some major life goals. Now that I’m in my mid-30s, it feels exhausting.
I struggle with being content and accepting my current state of functioning. This feeling hasn’t gone away, and it has only been amplified since my mother’s passing last year. It got to the point where I’ve started therapy (again). My therapist asked me what the goal is for our work together and my exact words were “being at peace with the in-between and accepting of current circumstances.”
It’s been a few months since we’ve had that conversation and the work is slowly, but surely, getting done. In our last session, I had a major epiphany. Accepting where I currently am doesn’t have to always mean things are good. I had this image of “acceptance” as being happy with what is currently happening. That’s not the case. I can accept that things aren’t great at any given moment. I can accept that things won’t always be happy and positive. This was a big realization for me. My own expectations of acceptance were skewed!
In addition to therapy, I recently started reading The Joy of the In-Between by Ashley Hetherington, which features 100 daily devotionals. While I struggle with accepting the in-between, I’ve come to realize (with the help of time and this book) that life is a big in-between. We’re constantly waiting and hoping. We’re constantly working and striving. Because I can get so focused on my “end goal” or my “end destination,” I don’t take the time I need to appreciate where I currently am, even if it’s an in-between state. This book has helped tremendously. The daily prayers, the questions it asks, and the examples the author gives definitely help put things in perspective.
As I’m writing this piece, I’m currently in an “in-between.” I’m days away from a much-needed vacation but there’s so much work that needs to get done between now and then. I’m finding it incredibly hard to be in this state of waiting…even though there’s plenty of things to do to distract me! All that is teaching me that I have much more work to do. Every day is an opportunity to be at peace and accepting of what currently is. While I’ll never stop planning or setting goals (it’s just not in my DNA to do so), I want to be as present as possible each day. I don’t want to be rushing to get to the next day, vacation, paycheck, etc.
It’s going to be much easier said than done. Fortunately, resources like therapy, my partner, and encouraging books will help me along this journey. It’s also going to take a conscious effort on my own part. When my mind gets restless. When I’m focused on what’s to come. When I’m ready for something else. I need to check myself. I need to ground myself and come back to where I currently am and appreciate it.
God’s timing runs all. Making plans on my own time and not accepting the outcome is a losing battle. I’m too tired to fight. I need to trust God and trust that the work I’ve done up until this point has gotten me on my current path. I’m right where I need to be.
Do you struggle with accepting the in-between? With being at peace with current circumstances? How do you work through it? I’d love to hear, so share in the comments below.
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I struggle with in between. Achievement and upward mobility is baked into the millennial DNA. I’m never satisfied and often grow bored super fast of things that I once desired. Sometimes I neglect the present because I’m focused on the future or locked into the past.
However, I still set a schedule. My in-between habits will inform my “arrival” maintenance. We will always push for more, but in the pushing, take time to ground by reading, writing, loving and spending time with yourself, your family and friends. Set goals to have dates with your partner. Make a habit of calling your mom 2-5 times per week. And also, in the wait, do what waiters do; serve. Find an organization, a mentee, a church outreach project, something to keep you occupied and focusing externally instead of internally. Happy in between!
At 75, I do struggle with in between. I’ve been retired since 2015. I work three days a week. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Like many seniors who have retired, I work to supplement my income. I’m starting to feel I need to do more. I volunteer with those who are underserved in our community as well as serve on a health clinic board. I’m a creative, I paint, write and enjoy creating centerpieces. It is a form of art, expression and stress relief for me. I’m not complaining, however, with all that said, I still feel there is something missing. Sometimes on the way to work, I question why? I’m retired, there are more years behind me instead of in head of me. So thank you for this article, it gave me something to think about as I move forward.