When Colbie Caillat released her song “Try“ in 2014, the lyrics hit me in the chest. Women all over the world were embracing the message of her song. I never realized how much I could relate to the lyrics until I listened to it repeatedly.

The song made me reflect and ask, “Why do I try so hard? whether at work or with my family or friends. I’ve found myself in times of stress isolating myself from my friends and when asked about how I was doing, I usually say “I’m good” or “I’m fine” even when I’m not okay. It doesn’t benefit me to hide my pain or think my truth will be a burden for those around me.

I recently read Glennon Doyle’s book Carry on Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed and this section stood out to me:

“We are often not permitted to tell the truth in everyday life. There is a small set of words and reactions and pleasantries we are allowed to say, like, “I’m fine, and you?” But we are not supposed to say much of anything else, especially how we are really doing. We find out early that telling the whole truth makes people uncomfortable and is certainly not ladylike or likely to make us popular, so we learn to lie sweetly so that we can be loved. And when we figure out this system, we are split in two: the public self, who says the right things in order to belong, and the secret self who thinks other things.”

I love that powerful truth. She isn’t saying go tell random strangers about your whole life but she is addressing our culture of always having to “be okay” for people so we can “save face.” The truth is that a lot of people feel like they have to “try” in some area of their life. 

We often feel the need to try and put on a brave face and dismiss our problems or even our pain so as not to cause anyone discomfort. But I’ve learned that the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and others is grace and authenticity. Life is difficult for many of us and even acknowledging that you are struggling can feel terrifying—or maybe freeing. 

I have never benefitted from keeping my feelings bottled up and trying to save face. During those times, I was thinking more about what others thought of me than I thought about myself. I wish I could go back and give myself a hug and let her know that she did not have to try too hard.

If you find yourself trying hard and feeling stressed and overwhelmed, remember you are enough. Maybe some tasks at work did not get done, your house is not clean, or you missed some texts. Life happens. The best thing we can do is give ourselves grace. We should be the best cheerleaders for ourselves. We should find community where we can show up authentically without fear of judgement or consequences. We should have community that reminds us of who we are when we struggle to remember who we are for ourselves. 

Sis, if you are anything like me and struggle to manage everything in front of you and find yourself trying so hard, remember to give yourself grace. At the end of the day, the best way you can show up for you is by loving yourself. 

Here is a question Colbie Caillat asks in her song that we must all ask ourselves:

“When you’re all alone, by yourself, do you like you? Do you like you?”