When I became pregnant with my son, I purchased a book because I wanted to “learn” how to be a mother. One of my friends laughed at me and said, “There is no book that can tell you how to become a mom; you just learn.” And I did.
There was so much to learn about myself, and let me tell you, life has certainly been a teacher. Yes, we’ve all heard that there is a lesson in everything, but it wasn’t until this year that I started to embrace this.
When things don’t go as I planned and after a good cry, I now ask myself, “What is the lesson here?”
Here are three things that life has taught me so far about resilience, self-awareness, and growth.
- Resilience is Built Through Grief
I’ve come to realize that resilience is built through grief. Life has this way of throwing unexpected challenges and losses our way, and it’s during those tough times that we learn who we really are. I used to think resilience meant bouncing back quickly from hard times, but I’ve learned it’s more about surviving and growing through the pain.
For me, grief has been a major teacher. After losing my husband, I discovered that resilience isn’t about avoiding or speeding through grief. It’s about sitting with it and feeling all those emotions. I’ve been pretty open about my grief journey, especially since it’s not something we talk about much in our Black communities. Even though it’s been incredibly tough, going through this has helped me build a stronger sense of resilience and taught me to value the growth that comes from embracing our vulnerabilities.
- Self-awareness is a Game Changer
I’m really grateful for self-awareness these days. It wasn’t until I started seeing life as a journey rather than a destination that things shifted for me. I used to think self-awareness was just about knowing what I’m good at and where I struggle. But over time, I realized it’s so much more than that. It’s about figuring out how my past experiences shape my reactions and understanding how my beliefs affect my decisions.
Therapy and journaling have been huge parts of my journey. They’ve helped me spot patterns in my behavior that I hadn’t noticed before. I’ve started asking myself why I react the way I do and what more profound beliefs or past traumas might influence me. This process of self-discovery has made me more self-compassionate. I’m learning to approach myself with kindness and understanding, which has been a game-changer in handling life’s challenges.
- Growth Comes from Embracing Change
One of the most significant lessons life has taught me is that growth comes from embracing change. And let me tell you, I’ve had to really put this into practice as a single mom reentering the dating world after being a widow.
Change can be scary, especially when it disrupts our comfort zones. I do not like change! Stepping into the dating scene again after such a significant loss has been a huge leap for me. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed or even fearful of what’s ahead. But I’ve learned that resisting change only keeps us stuck in the past while embracing it opens up new possibilities.
Becoming a single mom and diving back into dating has been a rollercoaster of emotions, including anxiety, but I’ve started to view it as a chance for personal growth. I’ve learned to approach new experiences with curiosity and an open heart. It’s not always easy, but embracing this change has not only helped me grow in ways I never imagined but also made me feel empowered. Each experience allows me to learn more about myself and what I want, and that’s been incredibly empowering.
At 44, I’m still learning; honestly, that’s one of life’s greatest gifts. Through everything—resilience, self-awareness, and embracing change—I’ve picked up so many valuable lessons that have shaped who I am today. Each experience, whether it’s been tough or eye-opening, has contributed to my growth and understanding. Life keeps teaching me, and I’m thankful for every lesson, big or small.
As I go through this journey, I often ask myself, “What’s the lesson here?” It’s become my guiding principle, helping me find meaning in every experience and approach life with an open heart and mind. The real lesson is that learning never stops, and every challenge and change is a chance to grow. By embracing resilience, self-awareness, and the inevitable changes, we can keep evolving and finding deeper meaning in our lives.
What lesson have you most recently learned? Take a moment to reflect on your own journey and the lessons you’ve learned along the way.
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Bernice says
This was wonderful to read. It was inspiring, and it made me stop and think about my life. After losing my wonderful and beautiful, dear Mother, my world has changed. Reading this story was very uplifting, and I am so glad I stopped to read about how someone else adjusts to change in their lives. I love the quote: What’s the lesson here?
Thank you
Bernice Feaster