I admire how my mom took care of herself.

When I was about eight years old, I clearly remember her routines. I now know she had established them long before then. She always prayed and did a morning devotional, walked three miles in the morning, and enjoyed a long, uninterrupted bath or shower most evenings. We knew that was her time, and we were to respect it as her way to recharge in the evening. She would tell us that caring for herself made her a better mother. She was able to communicate her needs and set her boundaries with us. Her boundaries were gracious, but her routine was non-negotiable. We could be around her during her prayer time or even join her on her walks, but we understood that these were her priorities. Through this, my mom demonstrated that she could care for us and still prioritize her own needs.

I have to admit, I didn’t understand the importance of her rountines and boundaries until I was married, had a full-time job, and was adjusting to sharing space in my thirties after so many years of focusing on myself and being set in my ways. Adapting to these life changes was a learning curve, and sometimes I felt like I was fighting to balance being a wife and a career woman, losing sight of my hobbies and passion projects. I lost stamina for writing and the creative outlets I deeply valued. While I was happy to be in this new season of my life, I felt like I had to choose between nurturing myself and nurturing my home, marriage, and friendships. It often felt like an impossible choice.

I know how important it is to show up for yourself . . . and I thought I had learned that lesson, but, in actuality, I needed to sit with it a little longer. I naively believed that simply knowing I needed to show up for myself was enough. However, knowing I need to show up for myself and showing up for myself are completely different. The truth is, in every season, how I show up for myself may look different, and the ways I serve in my community and lead at work might change, as well. Beint attuned to these nuances helps me know when to step up and when to step away.

During a particularly stressful time, I remember my mom gently suggesting I find a rhythm for myself so I could feel confident in the care I gave myself before pouring into my marriage. She said, “You may not have kids yet, but these are habits you will want to establish before you have them.”

After feeling burned out by the end of last year, I made a point this year to prioritize my well-being and choose hobbies and volunteer initiatives that mattered deeply to me. For example, this year, I decided to attend yoga classes regularly, rather than dropping in occasionally. I committed to aiming for attending classes three to five days a week. I started with three, then four, and before I knew it, I was attending five days a week. Even on my most stressful days at work, practicing yoga makes the day better, and my stress more manageable. I’ve been surprised by how much it has helped with my overall health. I am giving myself a gift I never knew I needed.

My days used to consist of waking up, rushing to make coffee, starting virtual meetings, preparing dinner, watching a show, and then going to sleep. Now, I wake up, work out, start my workday, cook, relax, and sometimes volunteer. I have more energy and I’m happier. My days now have character and shape. I no longer feel like I’m losing myself in the mundane routine of going to work, sleeping, and repeating the same cycle over and over.

I’ve realized that my mom was right: caring for myself first, then for my husband, home, and friends, has had a profound transformational effect on my life. Not only have I finally met and achieved my goal of working out five days a week (a goal I’ve had for over ten years), but I’ve also stuck with it long enough to enjoy it. I didn’t quit when things got hard or when I struggled to get out of the house. I pushed past my discomfort and, as a result, I’ve become a better friend, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, and wife.

If you find yourself lost in serving others and struggling to make space for yourself, start small. Make tiny changes that allow you to show up for yourself. When you do, you’ll give from a full cup, making it easier to take care of others because you tend to your needs first. There’s no need to wonder if there is time for you. There is. And you’ll find ways to incorporate self-care into your routine. Take time to learn what works best for you. Maybe you need fifteen minutes of stillness, a thirty-minute workout, or a few minutes before bed to read.

Sis, speak your truth and share your thoughts in the comments below. What would help you show up as a better version of yourself — not just for you but for others?