I was recently out to brunch with a girlfriend, and she asked me, “How do you do all the things? How are you running a company, working on a doctorate, managing your household, and spending time with your husband and daughters without being stressed?”

My initial answer was, “Oh, girl, I just learned how to do it!” My girlfriend then followed up with, “How do you spend time on yourself?” I started my answer, “The usual, pedicures, spa days, and exercise. . .” But, as the conversation progressed, I realized I actually did much more than that. A long time ago, I decided that I was going to do things smarter, not harder.

I had to rewind and revise my answer. “Let’s do that again,” I said. “I give myself back the gift of time.”

I ran down the list for her:

• I delegate and outsource
• I ask for help
• I use a calendar and schedule planner, both digital and paper
• I say, “No”

I have been a wife for twenty-five years, and a mother for twenty-four years. Early on — as a military spouse, working mother, and a part-time student — I had to learn time-saving shortcuts to protect my sanity and prevent stress. Trust me, it may look easy for me now, but it took lots of crying, yelling, and trial and error to get here.

I delegate and outsource whenever I can. Everyone in my house does their own laundry, starting from the age of ten. Even my husband. He does his own laundry, folding and putting it away. If you have little ones, don’t be afraid to teach them to put their dirty clothes in a hamper and pick up after themselves. Also, everyone pitches in and does their own assigned chores around the house. My husband is responsible for taking the garbage out. My daughter is responsible for the dishes. I am responsible for cooking and I clean the kitchen.

Everyone cleans their own bathroom and room. I even use a cleaning service once or twice a month to do the cleaning. I use grocery shopping apps to save me from overthinking and wasting time. Thank you, God, for grocery apps! They save me from making trips to the store and they help me stick to a budget. The grocery clerks shop my list and the groceries are delivered to my house. Voila!

I ask for help. I ask my husband and daughter to help me when I need it. I realized a long time ago that I could not do it all. My family works as a team to get all the things done. Without everyone pitching in, it doesn’t work. I bet if you ask for help from your sister circle, church members, or family members, you can give yourself back a little time, too.

I know this might be a hard concept for women to let go of — and I get it. There is a stigma, and sometimes even shame in our communities, that comes with asking for help or outsourcing tasks. But, ask yourself this question: Am I worth it? You heard it before, and it’s true, that you can’t pour from an empty cup. You must think of your well-being. If you don’t, you will be stressed, tired, and unhappy.

I use a calendar and schedule planner. I use a digital planner on my phone, and I use a paper planner that I can write in and visually see what’s on our family’s schedule. Without some sort of planner, you’ll be flying blind, which can cause all kinds of stress.

I say, “No.” I don’t accept every invitation that is presented to me or my family. I will evaluate each event or occasion to determine if we really have the time. “No” is a complete sentence. It’s okay to decline the invitation without feeling guilty. Also, my family has a rule — we usually don’t schedule anything on Sundays. This is one of the most important ways I give myself back the gift of time.

On Sundays, I usually do absolutely nothing but watch my favorite Hallmark movies, like Napa Ever After and Fashionably Yours, and chill on the couch. Resting in this way gives me time to recharge and start the week off without stress.

Think of your time as a precious gift that you can’t just give away to everyone.

Make sure you keep some time for yourself, Sis!