February 13, 2020. That’s a date I will never forget. It was the day of a surgery that would forever change my life. 

Let me go back to share more details. Exactly one year earlier, I had ended a marriage that I thought would last forever. I have since learned that before you begin a life of forever with someone else, you have to truly become aware of and love all of yourself. 

Waking up from surgery, I realized just how much I was loved by God. He kept me here and it was such a sweet Valentine’s Day for me. While recovering at my mother’s house, I was going through a whirlwind of emotions—I was no longer married and here I was back in my childhood bedroom relying on my mother to care for me.  

I was so grateful that my mom allowed me to come back home and that she was gracious in her care. Prior to this encounter, I knew that my mother and I kept very different schedules. I am a morning bird and she is a night owl. While staying at her house, or shall I say my childhood home, I tried my best not to disrupt her schedule because she was doing me a favor. Is it right to say she was doing me a favor? I don’t know. Anyhow, what I do know is that she had a choice in the matter and she could have made a different decision, however I am grateful for her yes.  

In the midst of healing physically, one day my mom and I went shopping and I picked up a book The Little Book of Big Lies by Tina Lifford. It was on this day that my journey to mental and self-healing began. I thought I was whole and healed, bringing my complete self into marriage as well as other situations and circumstances—however I soon discovered otherwise. As I started to do the inner fitness work to uncover and discover the many lies that I had told myself as well as those that I believed from others, everything started to change. I started changing the way that I spoke to myself in addition to what I allowed others to speak over me. 

I AM ENOUGH. I AM WORTHY. I AM LOVED. 

These are just a couple of the affirmations that I started to say to myself on repeat. I was on a journey to find myself again. I realized that for most of my life, I had been surviving and now I had to unlearn some unhealthy habits and replace them with better, healthier ones so that I could not only grow, but thrive.  

Four weeks from the date of my surgery, the world as we knew it would change due to a declared pandemic. At this time, I had returned to my home, but it was different. I had operated from a place of fear for most of my adult life and although I was fearful on the outside, there was calm in my spirit. While home alone and still recovering, I was able to do as the scripture says in Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that He is God.”  

I began to have conversations with God about my life. People were losing their lives daily due to this virus and social distancing requirements were put into place limiting our interactions with friends and loved ones. But God!  

I am so grateful that God kept me and continued to show his love for me by allowing me to gather with family and friends remotely. Although I was connecting with others through Zoom, the most important gathering was the time that I spent connecting with myself. Prior to this time, I was constantly on the go, often going from one job to the next before making it home to prepare a quick meal and get in the bed to do it all over again the next day. God in his infinite wisdom allowed me an opportunity to pause from the hustle and bustle of life to find room to breathe and think about what matters most—me and my feelings. 

I had suppressed my feelings for so long that I did not know how to connect with them nor name them. It has been said when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Boy, did the teachers come. During this season, so many resources (teachers, therapists, trainers) were coming my way to help me heal, grow, and thrive. I was amazed and again grateful. 

As I started to reconnect with my feelings and learn to identify them and name them, what came up most often was love. Now I can say: I AM ENOUGH. I AM WORTHY. I AM LOVED BY ME.

Do you love yourself and know that you’re enough and worthy?